That American Girl: Companion Pieces
by Kat-of-the-Streets
Summary: A series of companion pieces to my story That American Girl.
1. Chapter 1

AN: This is, or eventually will be, a series of one shots that are companion pieces to my story _That American Girl_. To fully understand these one shots it is probably necessary to read _That American Girl_ (TAG) first, but in case you don't have time / find that story boring or whatever else comes to mind, here is a very short summary.

TAG is based on the idea that Violet got her will and that Robert did not marry Cora, but someone else instead. Consequently she married someone else as well, namely the Duke of Suffolk and they have a son named Sam. However, Sam has never met his father because the father died before Sam was born, which of course means that Sam himself has been a duke all his life. Cora was never really happy with the Duke.

Robert and his wife have a horrible marriage and do not get along at all, but they have daughter, Mary (yes, THE Mary). Robert and Cora meet again and fall in love and eventually Robert divorces his first wife and marries Cora instead.

The actual story is much better than the summary.

Should I ever have the time, I might merge these one shots and the original story into one story, but right now there are way too many gaps, so it'll stay this way for the time being.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this. Let me know what you think!

Kat

P.S.: These one shots are not in chronological order.

Due to the story of TAG, the years in which Cora and Robert's children were born have been changed, so here they are:

Mary, b. Jan 28, 1890

Sam, b. Sept 2, 1893 (actual name William Samuel)

Edith, b. February 12, 1895

Sybil, b. January 29, 1896

* * *

Downton 1912

_Robert _

A lawyer. His new heir is a lawyer from Manchester. When he told Cora that it was certain that both Patrick and James had died on the Titanic, her first reaction had been the same as his first reaction. 'Isn't there any way to make Sam your heir?' she asked him. He wishes there was, but there isn't. Apart from the fact that Sam is a Duke and he is only Earl, Sam isn't his son, not really. He certainly thinks of Sam as his son and he loves him just as much as he loves his three daughters and he knows that Sam thinks of him as his father, but the fact remains that Sam is the offspring of Cora's marriage to the Duke of Suffolk, no matter how ill-fated that marriage was and regardless of the fact that Sam's father died before Sam himself had been born.

He tried to make Sam his heir for the first time a few months after Sybil's birth. Several doctors had told them that Cora having another child was highly unlikely, which meant that he would never have a son who could also be his heir. He even considered going before parliament to make his stepson his heir, but every lawyer he asked had told him that it was hopeless case. He tried again in 1900 when he had to go to war in South Africa. By that time he and Cora had been certain that they wouldn't have any more children, because Cora hadn't been pregnant in over four years. His cousin James had a son roughly Mary's age and so there had been an heir and while Patrick had still been a young boy, Robert never really liked James and hadn't been sure that James wouldn't ask Cora and the children to leave Downton should anything happen to him. Of course, they could have and would have moved to Sam's estate, but he didn't feel comfortable with that solution. But again, his attempts to make his stepson his heir had come to naught. He tried again in 1905, when Sam had insisted he'd be registered as and called Sam Crawley at Eaton and not William Suffolk, as he should have been.

Sam is almost 19 now and still insists on being referred to as Sam Crawley, which has led to half of London society actually referring to him as Lord Downton, a title that belongs to the eldest son and heir of the Earl of Grantham. Sam and Mary continually laugh themselves silly when people find out that Sam actually is a Duke and not a Viscount. During the two months that it took his lawyer to find his new heir, Robert tried everything he could think of to change the entail to benefit Sam. He had even talked to the Lord Chancellor, and while the Lord Chancellor had understood why Robert wanted to make Sam his heir, there was nothing that could be done. Neither could anything be done to break the entail and make Mary the heiress of Downton. While he still muses over his failed attempts to make his son his heir, the door of the library opens without him noticing it.

"Papa?" He is startled out of his thoughts.

"Sam," he says and he knows that his face has broken into a smile. It always does when he sees one of his children or his wife, especially when it is unexpected.

"Do you have a minute?"

"Of course."

"There is just something I need to tell you. Mama told me about your failed attempts to make me your heir and I appealed to the Lord Chancellor myself. I asked what would happen if I renounced my title, if that would make it possible for me to be your heir."

"Sam, no, you can't do something like that."

"I would have done it in a heartbeat, if it were helpful. But it isn't, so I won't do it and we do not have to fight about this Papa."

He sometimes thinks that Sam knows he too well. He was just about to argue that renouncing his title would have been a very stupid thing to do, but of course, Sam is right. He isn't going to do it anyway, so they don't have to fight about it. Although it touches him that Sam would have been prepared to do it.

"You are probably right."

"I am. Anyway, after I found out that there was no way for me to inherit, I sent a letter do Matthew Crawley."

"You what?"

"I am not finished, Papa. I sent a letter to Matthew and he wrote back to me and I met him in London."

"Why would you do that?"

"I wanted to meet him."

"You'll meet him here. It was more than enough that I met him in London."

"For you maybe, but not for me. I wanted to know who this stranger is and so I invited him to my house. He accepted the invitation and stayed for three days and we spent quite a lot of time together."

"What do you think of him?"

"What do you think?"

"Sam"

"No, you go first."

"I've already told you, I think we were lucky, even if Matthew certainly is not an ideal heir."

"Papa, when that Duke was here, the one who wanted to marry Mary for money she won't get, he asked you whether you were willing to give it all to a perfect stranger and you answered that you hoped but doubted that he would be perfect."

"You remember that?"

"It was a good answer. Regardless of that, I think that Matthew is perfect."

"What?"

"I think, and you can only ever mention this to Mama, that Matthew is perfect for Mary. We cannot tell either one of them that, because they'd feel pressured and once you put Mary under pressure to do something, you can be sure she won't do it. But Matthew is exactly the kind of man Mary needs. He is intelligent and he can hold his own in an argument, which, if you live in a house with Mary, is something you better be good at. And he is very kind and considerate, he didn't ask me once why I wasn't your heir."

"He might know why."

"I don't think he does. He felt it was improper to ask, which says a lot about him."

"I assume you have a plan of how to get your sister to fall in love with him."

"Not really a plan, but an idea. I will become friends with him, which will be rather easy for me to do because I like him very much, besides the fact that he will eventually be the head of my family. And then I will just see what I can do. Talk about Mary to him, talk about Matthew to her, maybe a little exasperatedly. We'll see."

"Sam, while that sounds like a good and easy plan, don't forget that he is 27 and you are 19."

"Mama says that I don't seem like a 19 year old to her."

"You don't seem like a 19 year old to me either and I think we have to thank your older sister for turning you into a grown up far too soon."

"She didn't turn me into a grown up, Papa. She just always expected me to be as intelligent as her. Which I am not, but then again who is. But I did my best to fulfill her expectations and she taught me everything she knew. She still does, I sometimes feel like a schoolboy in her presence and not like a duke. But I don't mind, I love her and I am her little brother, so it is all right for her to sometimes treat me like a schoolboy."

He has to shake his head at this and smile because what Sam says is right. Mary had decided that Sam would be her best friend for life when Sam had still been a baby and Mary herself had only been three years old, but she has never wavered from it. Sam has always been her best friend, and as his best friend, Mary expected him to be like her in many ways. Maybe Sam's plan of befriending Matthew could actually work.

"Well, it is worth a try, I think. Regardless of your plans for Matthew and Mary working out, it can't hurt him to have you as his friend."

"Good. I'll go and welcome him and his mother then."


	2. Chapter 2

_Mary_

Her Granny and Aunt Rosamund are fighting. Again. And again they are fighting about who will present her during her first season. Granny argues that she has got the higher rank and that she knows Mary best, while Aunt Rosamund argues that Mary will be the only girl she would ever be able to present. This discussion bothers Mary more than anything else has ever bothered her before. For some reason it seems to have been set in stone that it would be either one of the relatives who are fighting about it now who would bring her out and she had accepted that and thought that they should just find a solution amongst themselves. But she has changed her mind about that and she thinks that it should be her decision who will present her to the king, who will accompany her on her last step to becoming an adult.

"Shouldn't I be the one who decides who will bring me out?" she asks both her grandmother and aunt.

"You have the right to an opinion," her grandmother says, no doubt to tip the scales in her favor.

"All right then. I want Mama to do it." Both her aunt and grandmother stare at her incredulously.

"You fight about who has the right to present me, to accompany me on that day. And you both have good arguments, but Mama has one argument that is stronger than all of those you have put together."

"And which one is that supposed to be?" her granny asks.

"She is my mother."

"Mary"

"No Granny, I won't listen to it. I want to be presented by my mother. And if you cannot allow that, then I'll refuse to be presented at all." And with that she storms out of her grandmother's house and asks the coachman to take her home.

_Robert_

The moment he sees his mother in the library, he knows that she has had a fight with either Rosamund, Mary, or Cora, or any combination of those three. He thinks that Cora is the least likely because his mother hardly ever fights with Cora, although he knows that they tend to disagree on several substantial aspects.

"Mama," he says. "What a pleasure to see you." He has to lie through his teeth to say this, because seeing his mother after she has had a fight with one of the other women in the family is anything but a pleasure.

"Well, I am here concerning a rather unpleasant business."

"What business is that?"

"Mary's coming out." He should have known, this has been a constant reason for tension between mainly his mother and sister for half a year now. They are fighting about who is better suited to present Mary, although he thinks that there is a very easy solution that in his view would be preferable to having either Rosamund or his mother present Mary, but he hasn't dared to get involved yet.

"Mary has offered an opinion on whom she wants to present her."

"And by the look on your face, I assume she does not want you to do."

"No. She doesn't want Rosamund to do it either. She wants to be presented by Cora."

"That is a very good idea, I think. It is by far the best solution." In fact, it is what he had in mind too.

"Robert, it wouldn't be proper."

"Why not? What is wrong about the Countess of Grantham presenting the eldest daughter of the Earl of Grantham?"

"There would be nothing wrong with that if she was her mother."

"She is."

"To all intents and purposes, yes. Robert, you know that I like Cora very much. But it just wouldn't be right. And you must make Mary see sense. Because she threatened to refuse being presented at all if Cora wasn't the one to do it."

"I think that is very sensible. Mama, if that is what Mary wants, then that is what will happen. Unless Cora wouldn't want to do it, but I am sure that she would be honored."

"I am afraid she will be. She will be very emotional about it. Very American."

"She is American, Mama. You will never turn her into anything else and I certainly don't want you to. She is who she is. Which is the woman who has made me happier than I ever thought I would be."

"And I am very thankful to her. But"

"No but. If that is what Mary wants to happen, then that it is what will happen."

He knows his mother doesn't agree with him, but he also knows that she has accepted his decision.

He is glad when he finally hears Cora's lady's maid leave after they have gone upstairs at night, because he wants to talk to her about Mary's coming out. As usual, he opens the door without knocking and as usual Cora looks up at him and smiles a smile that still make his knees go weak. It is a smile that speaks of the love Cora bears for him and it is so much more than he deserves, but he loves her just as much as she loves him and he hopes that that is enough for her. In fact he knows that it is enough and he also knows that it is not possibly to love anyone more than he loves his wife. Their 14th wedding anniversary is just around the corner and he will take her away for that, although he hasn't decided where yet. He had thought about Paris, but if Cora is to bring Mary out, then that might be a bit far.

"What are you smiling about?" she asks him.

"You. I am just happy to have you."

"You better be. You married after all."

"It's the accomplishment I am most proud of."

"It shouldn't be. While that certainly wasn't a bad decision, you should be more proud of being the wonderful husband and father you are." Sometimes his wife says things that make it hard for him not to cry

"Thank you," he says and takes a deep breath. "I love you."

"I love you too." He kisses her now, not out of desire, but out of love.

"Have you talked to Mary today?" he asks her when they break apart.

"Not after lunch. She left to have tea with your mother and Rosamund and when she got back she went riding right away. She only returned when we had left already and I looked into her room when we got back, but she was already asleep. But I will have to talk to her tomorrow because I have the feeling that something went wrong at tea today. Mary wouldn't have vanished for such a long time if everything had been all right and Rosamund didn't come here today, although I thought she would. I wonder if she is mad at me for some reason."

"Mary or Rosamund?"

"Rosamund. She always comes here when she visits your mother, even if she chooses to sleep there."

"She isn't mad, I don't think so. But she might be jealous."

"Of what?"

"Mama came here today to talk to me. She told me what went wrong at tea. Rosamund and Mama must have discussed Mary's presentation again and this time Mary said whom she wants to be presented by."

"And I gather she doesn't want Rosamund to do it."

"No. But she doesn't want my mother to do it either. She wants you to present her. In fact she threatened to not let be herself be presented at all if she wouldn't be presented by you."

"I have to talk to her about that."

"To tell her that you will do it, I hope."

"What?"

"I already told my mother that if that is what Mary wants, then that it is what will happen. And it is the best and natural solution anyway. Why shouldn't Mary presented by you?"

"Because I am not her mother."

"If someone asked you how many children you had, what would you say?"

"Four."

"What does Mary call you?"

"Mama."

"That settles it, don't you think?"

"Robert"

"Don't you want to present her?"

"Of course I want to do it. I am very touched by her wanting me to present her. And if that's what she wants and you don't have any objections, then I will gladly do it."

"I certainly don't have any objections. Mary is who she is because of you. Had you not guided her through the most difficult of her teenage years, she'd be a different person today. And I shudder to think about what she would be like."

"Don't think about that Robert. And it was your doing as much as mine that she didn't turn the way we were afraid she would. Let's focus on the fact that she is a very intelligent and kind young woman now. A daughter to be proud of."

"Yes." He smiles at his wife now. He is so thankful to her for having dealt with their teenage daughter's antics the way she did, because Cora would have had the right to take offense. But she didn't. If Sam treated him the way Mary had treated Cora, he would explode and his heart would break. But Cora held her head high, fought with Mary, eventually made her see sense and never stopped loving her, never stopped being her mother. Cora has now settled into his arms and he still smiles at her. He loves her so much, more than anything else in the world and he sometimes still can't believe that he is really married to her. So many things went wrong when they first met, but they put them to rights, they undid their earlier mistakes and turned their lives around.

_Cora_

She gets up early, measured by her standards, not by her husband's. She wants to talk to her eldest daughter before Mary goes downstairs, because she needs to know why the girl wants to be presented by her. She softly knocks on Mary's door and hears her daughter mumble something that might be supposed to mean 'enter'. Mary is still in bed but more or less awake.

"Good morning Mary"

"Mama, you are up early."

"Thank you for saying that. And please tell your father that you think that because he laughed at me when he found out what I meant by 'getting up early'."

"I will. We can't have him laugh at you."

"I really don't know how he does it, because he hardly ever falls asleep before I do and still he gets up in the middle of the night every day. Sometimes I wonder if he takes naps I don't know about."

Mary is laughing now and Cora is still incredibly glad that Mary can laugh so freely because there was a time when Mary would have preferred exploding to laughing.

"Mary, we need to talk about your presentation."

"Yes. Mama, I want you to present me."

"I know. Your Papa told me."

"I suppose Granny told him."

"Yes, she did. And she isn't happy about it."

"While I don't want her to be unhappy, it won't make me change my mind."

"Mary, why would you like me to do it?"

"Because you are my mother." She wants to believe it, she wants to believe it so much, but there are still doubts in her mind and she has to talk to Mary about this.

"Mary, don't do this out of a sense of obligation, or because you think that you still need to apologize."

"Mama, I am still very ashamed of my behavior and very sorry about it. But that is not why I want you to present me. Just like so many other women my age, I want my mother to be with me on that day."

"If you'd rather be with your granny or your aunt"

"No. I wouldn't. I want you and Papa to accompany me to the palace and I want you to stand before the king with me."

"That makes me very happy."

"So you will do it?"

"I'd be honored to do it."

"We should get up and face Granny's wrath."

"Would you like to have breakfast with me? Come to my room and we can talk about when we'll go to London to get new dresses for both of us."

"Yes, I'd like that very much."


	3. Chapter 3

Downton 1905

_Robert_

"Mary is turning into her mother and I am not referring to Cora."

"I know. And I wish there was something I could do about it. Cora is trying her best, and I am trying my best too, but we are at a loss. Cora has talked to her so often but Mary just shuts her out."

"It must be horrible for you."

"It is, but I am afraid that it is even worse for Cora. She has been Mary's mother for twelve years now but Mary treats her as if she was the evil stepmother."

"Please tell Cora that I'd be willing to help if there was anything I could do."

"Thank you, Mama."

"Tell her that I will visit her later on today. Tell her to come here if Mary is being unbearable."

"I will do that"

* * *

"You are unfair."

"No Mary, I am not."

"Yes you are. I want to go to London."

"And I am telling you not to because you are too young to go by yourself."

"Luisa Shakleton is allowed to go by herself."

"Luisa Shakleton is three years older than you are and has been presented. Once you are 18 and have been presented, you can go to London as often as you like as long as you stay with your aunt."

"Aunt Rosamund has said I could visit her whenever I wanted to. She said I didn't even have to ask."

"She said all that, but she also told you that you would need my permission. And I am not giving it. And don't think of ignoring me not giving you permission. Your aunt will let me as soon as you are in London."

"So you made her be on your side."

"I didn't make her be on anyone's side. She just happens to agree with me."

"Just as Papa and Granny. They all just 'happen to agree with you'. I wonder how you get them all on your side. It is obvious what you do with Papa, but the others? You have them all wrapped around your little finger and manipulate them. And I can't stand it anymore." 

Now he can't stand it anymore and walks into the library.

"Mary," he says. "Apologize to your mother."

"How am I supposed to do that? I don't know where she is," his daughter says and storms out of the room.

"Mary!" he yells after her but she storms up the stairs and he is torn between running after her and taking care of his wife. But he knows that Mary will shut him out anyway, so he turns around and looks at his wife. There are tears in her eyes and when he wraps his arms around her, she puts her head on his shoulder and begins to sob. "I don't know what to do anymore, Robert. I really don't."

"My mother said she would come to visit you later on. Maybe she could set Mary straight."

"No Robert. You heard what she said. Your mother getting involved would probably not be helpful right now." 

It has been three months now and Mary still hasn't changed her behavior towards Cora, at least not for the better and it breaks his heart. She has even stopped to call Cora 'Mama', something he knows hurts his wife more than anything and he admires Cora for holding her head high, accepting Mary's decision and not trying to force her to reverse that decision. He has tried to talk to his eldest daughter repeatedly but to no avail. The only result was that she started to fight with him too, so he stopped trying to make her see sense. Cora keeps saying that Mary is fifteen and at a very trying age and that the events of her early childhood are now catching up with her. He can't understand that, because Sam doesn't seem to have tendencies towards behavior like that, quite the reverse. He tells his wife so and she replies

"Sam is three years younger than Mary and we have no idea what he will be like at 15. And it is different for him. You have always been his father, he doesn't remember a time when you weren't and that time period was extremely short regardless. You met him when he was only ten weeks old, he doesn't have a concept of you not being part of his life. And he never met the Duke; he could never meet him, because the Duke died before Sam was even born. But Mary remembers her mother and her mother is still alive."

"Yes, she does remember her mother and that alone should be reason enough for her not to behave towards you the way she does."

"Robert, I am not sure how accurately she remembers her mother. We have never talked to her about it, because we didn't want to hurt her, but that probably had the effect that her mother doesn't seem to be such a horrible person to her, especially when I forbid her to do things she wants to do desperately. She thinks that no one is on her side and because she feels lonely, she tells herself that her mother would be on her side."

"I don't know how you can stand it. I can hardly stand it. Mary turns into my former wife more and more every day and it scares me. And I have no idea how to stop it. I wish I could, I had always hoped she'd be like you, or at least like me. But she isn't."

"She isn't right now, Robert. It doesn't mean that she really will turn into her mother. We have to hope for the best and keep loving her. That is all we can do right now." 

Four weeks later a bombshell drops and Mary does something he wants to lock her in her room for for at least a week and it is only Cora's pleading that stops him from actually doing it.

That day Mary had gotten into another fight with Cora and he had no idea about what, and neither did Cora but it was horrible and Mary had said unspeakable things to Cora. There was a letter in the evening post for Mary and to make matters much, much worse that letter had been from Mary's mother who was apparently visiting England and wanted to meet Mary. Mary jumped at this opportunity, and made a grand announcement at dinner, saying that she was now finally going to meet her real mother again, a mother who would love her, not one who would continually forbid her to do things and tell her off for not being nice enough to her half-sisters. He yelled at his daughter and forced her to leave the dining room immediately and he is still incredibly glad that she did so on her own accord because he isn't sure how he would have reacted, had she not done that.

When he joins his wife in their bedroom the first thing he says is "I am so sorry for Mary's behavior. And I won't let her see her mother." There are tears running down Cora's face and he wonders if his daughter even has an inkling of how much she hurt the woman who has been her mother for the last twelve years. He has more than on inkling of it and wants to take Cora's pain away but there is no way that he can, so he just hold her and lets her cry.

"We have to let her see her mother," his wife says eventually.

"No."

"Yes. If we don't let Mary see her mother, Mary will hold that against us for a very long time."

"You know that the main reason why Mary wants to see her mother is to hurt you."

"Yes. And she is successful, it hurts me very much. And I wish Mary wouldn't want to see her mother, but not because of her hurting me but because her mother will very likely hurt her. Mary has this concept in her head of her mother not forbidding her anything; of letting her do what she wants. She knows that in many ways her mother is the opposite of me and she hates me right now, so it is only natural for Mary to jump at this opportunity."

"I can't let her hurt you like that."

"You will have to. We will have to and I am afraid that we will have to let her be hurt by her mother even more." 

_Violet_

She watches her granddaughter and son leave for London. She considered going with them but she couldn't bear the thought of having to see Robert's first wife again. Her son's second wife and the only one she ever really considered to be a daughter to her is standing next to her, looking as if she was about to break down in tears.

"Cora, this must be so hard for you."

"It is," Cora says and begins to cry.

Violet has never been one for physical affection, except for when it came to her husband, but now she does something she has never done before, she hugs Cora and lets her cry.

"Are you sure you want to follow them?"

"Yes. It is what Robert and I decided would be best. He will go with Mary and I will visit Rosamund so that I will be in London should I be needed."

"Do you think you will be?"

"By Robert? Yes. By Mary? I don't know."

"What will you do should Mary need you?"

"Be there for her. Love her. Tell her that everything is all right or will be eventually. Be her mother."

"I admire you for that."

"Thank you." 

_Mary _

She is finally going to see her mother again. Her real mother, not his father's wife. She hates her father's wife, that woman is horrible person who can't accept that her husband's eldest daughter is an adult. But she knows that her mother will accept that, her mother will tell her that she doesn't have to listen to Cora, will agree with her that Cora is unbearable. If she is lucky, her mother will ask her to come to America with her and she would go. She would probably miss her father and maybe Sam, but other than that, there is nothing that keeps her in England. And it would serve Cora right.

She will meet her mother in Hyde Park and her father insisted on going with her, but promised to keep his distance. She tried to talk him out of it, but she wasn't successful and maybe it is even better this way, because her father can tell Cora then how well his eldest daughter got along with her mother. Another thing that would serve Cora right.

She almost explodes with excitement when she and her father get to the meeting point and when her father points out her mother to her. Before he lets her go his kisses her cheek, something he hasn't done for quite some time and wishes her 'good luck'. She leaves him without turning around again as she walks towards her mother.

Her mother looks at her and says, or rather asks "Mary?"

"Yes. I am," she says.

"So you've learned how to speak."

"What?" she is completely taken aback by that question.

"I thought you would never learn it."

"Why would you think that? I always thought I began speaking rather early."

"I am not sure if your father didn't make that up."

"Why would he do such a thing?"

"Because today is the first time I have heard you speak."

"I know. But I was a small child and, I don't know, I can't explain it. But I could talk rather early on, I am sure of it because Cora keeps telling stories about things I apparently said to her when I was still very young and she can't have made all of them up. She wouldn't have a reason to."

"So your father did marry that American then."

"Yes."

"Well, he's always been a sentimental fool."

"That is a bit harsh, don't you think? And you got married again too, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did. But not to someone as gushy and emotional as that girl your father picked to be his wife. But then again, he has always been rather dim witted."

"That is not true."

"Yes it is, and I am afraid he passed it on to you, or you would understand what I mean."

"If that is what you think of me, then why did you want to meet me?"

"To be honest, I don't know. I never had any other children and I suppose I wanted to see what had become of the one child I had. And I have been disappointed, but I suppose I should have expected that, given your behavior as a child and taking into consideration whom you have been raised by."

In that moment Mary's world comes crashing down around her. She suddenly remembers parts of her early childhood she forgot. She remembers being afraid of her mother, being afraid to speak because she was so scared of being laughed at. She remembers always being careful to not ruin her hair or her dress or anything else, of being afraid to run and to laugh, unless she was alone with her father but even then she held back. And then she remembers the first time she really felt carefree. It had been autumn and she must have been three and it must have been during the house party at which her father and Cora had seen each other again for the first time after years. For some reason she, her father, Cora and Sam had been outside together and she had run around and messed up her hair but Cora had fixed it and in that moment she had thought that Cora could fix anything, that she was safe when Cora was around. And then she realizes something else. She has two mothers and she hates one of them and loves the other, but the one she hates is standing in front of her and the mother she loves is back at Downton and she can't be sure whether that mother still loves her, she doubts it, she is almost sure that Cora doesn't love her anymore, because how could she after having been treated by her eldest daughter the way she has treated Cora?

She looks at the woman in front of her and says "I am glad to have met you because you made me realize within five minutes what a horrible person I have turned into. And I thank you for that. Goodbye." She turns around and walks passed her father who follows her without saying a word. He tries to talk to her during the carriage ride back to their house but she remains silent until she is in her room by herself and then she begins to scream and cry. She is disappointed beyond words, by that vile woman she thought to be her mother and by herself for ever having thought that that woman was her mother, for almost having turned into that woman. And because she pushed the woman who had been her mother for twelve years away. She is sure to have lost two mothers that day and it hurts her so much she can hardly bear it. She throws herself on her bed and begins to hit one of her pillows and keeps on screaming and crying and she can't stop, not even when her father tries to calm her down. When she hears the door open again she screams 'go away' because she thinks that it is her father and she doesn't want to see him, but she feels her bed shift and then a hand is gently placed on her shoulder and a very soft voice says "Oh Mary, my poor darling girl." She stops to scream and cry. 

_Cora _

Robert had sent for her immediately after he had returned home with Mary and as soon as she is inside the house she can hear Mary scream and cry and one look at Robert tells her that this must have gone on since the moment Mary had entered her room and that he had had no chance of calming her down. She gives him a fleeting kiss and says "I'll take care of her".

When she opens the door, Mary screams "Go away," but she is sure that Mary directed this at her father because the girl doesn't know that she is here. So she sits down on Mary's bed, places a hand on her daughter's shoulder and says "Oh Mary, my poor darling girl." Mary stops to scream and cry and goes rigid, so she strokes her daughter's cheek and says "I love you. No matter what happened, I love you." The girl begins to cry again, but this time she cries silently and Cora lets her cry and keeps stroking her daughter's cheek until Mary has calmed down again. Mary then turns around and the look of defeat on her face almost makes Cora cry too, but she knows she has to be strong for her daughter and she knows that she can be strong for her.

Mary finally takes a deep breath and says "I am sorry. For everything." And then her daughter begins to cry again.

She wraps her arms around her daughter and holds her in a tight embrace. "I know you are. And we will have to talk about this. But not right now. You have been hurt and you are disappointed."

"She was horrible, Mama. So horrible. And I suddenly remembered so many things from when I was still small and my world came crashing down around me. I am so sorry."

She holds onto her daughter until Mary has almost cried herself to sleep. "Mary, you should lie down properly. You are about to fall asleep and I think you should sleep. I will be downstairs with your father. If you need him or me or both of us, just come downstairs or have someone get us. I love you. And your father loves you too." She puts a blanket over Mary and leaves her daughters room.

"She calmed down then," Robert says to her the moment she enters their sitting room.

"For the time being. She's asleep now." She has stepped into Robert's arms without conscious thought and is now resting her head on his shoulder.

"Did you hear what Mary and her mother talked about?"

"No. But they didn't even talk for five minutes. Mary approached her, they talked briefly and then Mary stormed off without saying a word. I tried to talk to her in the carriage but she wouldn't say a word. She went to her room as soon as we were home and then the crying and screaming began. I tried to calm her down but I don't think she realized I was in her room."

"Did you talk to her? Your ex-wife, I mean?"

"No. And I am very glad I didn't have to. But seeing her made my stomach turn into a thousand knots."

"I am sorry you had to go through that."

"What you had to go through was much worse."

"I will still have to talk to Mary about it. She already said sorry, but there are many words left unsaid."

"Let's think about something else."

"What did you have in mind?" She has to smile when her husband pushes her away from him a little, moves her arms and his into the correct position and then begins to hum a waltz and dances her across the room. 

_Mary _

She thinks that her mother is right and that she should sleep but she feels so horrible that she can't. So she gets up again only a little while after her mother has left the room and goes to look for her parents. She supposes them to be in the library and before she has even looked into the room, she already knows that her parents are in there and what they are doing because she can hear her father hum. She watches them dance, she has seen them dance hundreds of times and as usual her father eventually wraps his arms around her mother and she puts her arms around his waist and puts her head on his shoulder. It is always her father who makes the first move and she has to smile about it, because this something familiar, something she hasn't destroyed with abominable behavior.

"When will we go home?"

"I don't know. I'd like to go home tomorrow, but I think we should leave it up to Mary."

She takes a deep breath and then says "I want to go home tomorrow too."

"Mary," her parents say in unison and they both sound surprised but not angry.

"I couldn't sleep," she says and feels like a little girl.

"Then join us for dinner. We haven't eaten yet," her father says.

"If you are sure," she replies. She doesn't want to impose on her parents.

"Of course we are sure," her mother says.

She listens to her parents talk about trifles during dinner and she realizes how much she missed this. The last few months she didn't listen to what her parents were saying because she had been too busy picking fights. But there is something she needs to get of her chest and she wants to do it now so that things can hopefully go back to normal.

"Mama, Papa, I am sorry. I really am. For my behavior towards you over the course of the last few months. I am quite ashamed of myself and wish I had behaved better. But there is nothing I can do besides apologize, promise you to never behave like that again and tell you that I love you. So again, I am sorry, I promise to never behave like that again and I love you. Both of you." Both of her parents get up and give her hug and a kiss and she knows that she has been forgiven, which almost makes her cry but she keeps her composure.

She spends a very nice evening with her parents and she finally dares to ask the question she has wanted to ask since the moment she felt her mother touch her shoulder.

"Mama, why are you here?"

"Because I am your mother and I was afraid that you would be hurt today."

"You knew better than I did."

"I don't know about that."

"But you did. You should have heard what she said about you. Both of you. That's when I realized that I had turned into her. I just hope that I can turn back."

"Mary, by walking away and by apologizing to us, you have already turned back. And we are proud of you for that."

"Thank you Papa. But are you really? Can you really still be proud of me after what I have said and done?"

Her mother smiles at her and simply says "Yes."


	4. Chapter 4

AN: As has been hinted at at the end of TAG, Mary and Matthew find love a lot sooner in this AU and they have gotten married in 1913 in this AU (there will be a companion piece about that as well).

* * *

Downton 1917

_Sam_

He hasn't been at Downton for one and a half years and he can't believe he is back, if only for a week. The only one who knows that he is coming home is his oldest sister Mary, it will be a surprise for everyone else, and he only told Mary because he had to ask her to invite Lilly Shakleton to Downton. He fell in love with Lilly in 1914, when she had spent four months at Downton because Lily's parents and her sister Luisa were on a tour through Europe but Lilly didn't want to go with them because she didn't get along with her older sister. He is almost sure that he would be married to Lilly by now if they weren't in the middle of a war and he is thankful that Lilly has stayed true to him through all the time he has spent in the trenches so far and that he can rely on her staying true to him when goes back. But Lilly won't come before tomorrow because he wanted to spend one evening with just his sisters and his parents. It is now half past three and he hopes that all his family will be home although he isn't sure about that because Downton has been turned into a convalescent home and he knows that all his sisters and his mother put a lot work into it and spend quite some time at the hospital as well. He knows this from Matthew who was home four months ago. He and Matthew serve together and usually share a barrack in the trenches and he is glad about that because being with his brother-in-law gives him a feeling of being home at least a little and he misses his family more than anything, except for Lilly, but he already counts her as family because he is sure that they will get married when the war is over.

When he walks through the open front door he looks around and sees exactly what Matthew described to him. The house is full of wounded soldiers and hardly recognizable. But his parents have done what they had to do, and after all, his own estate has been turned into a hospital, but admittedly, no one lives there. He looks around and the first familiar face he sees is that of Carson, the head butler.

"Your Grace, what a pleasure to see you."

"Thank you Carson. It is good to be home. My apologies for coming here unannounced, but I wanted to surprise my parents and sisters."

"Her Ladyship and the young ladies are not here right now, but His Lordship is in the library. Would you like me to announce you?"

"Yes, but I want to see the look on my father's face."

"Very well, Your Grace."

He follows Carson to the library and places himself in the doorway so that he can look into the room but can't be seen immediately. His father is reading the paper and seems to be in a rather bad mood. "His Grace, the Duke of Suffolk."

His father looks dumbstruck for a moment and when Sam enters the library his father's face breaks into a smile and although Sam is a grown man and a Captain of the Army, he almost begins to cry when his father embraces him and says "My dear boy, I am so happy to see you. I am so glad you are home."

"Me too, Papa."

"Your mother and sisters are at the hospital, but they should be back in an hour."

"I am looking forward to it."

"How are you, son?"

"Glad to be home, if only for a week. But I am unharmed. I know that is what you mean. I haven't been hurt seriously yet and spending almost all my time with Matthew is keeping me sane. It is keeping him sane too, I think. He gave me letters for all of you. They are in my trunk, I'll hand them out tonight."

"So Matthew is unharmed too."

"Yes. He tried to get leave too for this week, but they wouldn't let us go at the same time."

"We can't have everything and I am so happy you are home. Will you go for a walk with me?"

"Of course."

He missed this. He and his father used to walk around the estate almost every day before the war and doing that again now makes him realize that he really is home.

"So Mary really didn't let anything slip."

"What?"

"Mary knew I was coming today. I had to tell her because I needed her to invite Lilly here. It's supposed to be a surprise for Lilly too."

"Your sister didn't even mention that she had invited Lilly. At least not to me."

"Which means she hasn't mentioned it to Mama either."

"Maybe." He looks at his father and the bad mood he thought his father had been in when he had seen him in the library seems to be back.

"Papa,"

"No. I don't want to talk about it. Your mother is just very busy, that is all. Let's talk about you. When is Lilly coming here?" He'd much rather his father told him what was wrong between him and his mother but he knows that if he pushes it too early, his father won't talk at all, quite like Mary.

"Lilly will be here tomorrow. I wanted to be alone with you and Mama and my sisters for one evening."

"Would you mind your grandmother being there? Because she would be very happy to see you."

"No, I wouldn't mind."

"Good. I'll invite her to come here for dinner then as soon as we are back."

"Tell her to come here tomorrow as well. She will want to see Lilly too, Lilly's grandmother is a good friend of hers."

"I assume Lilly will stay here as long as you are staying here."

"Yes she will. Papa, I think, no I am sure, the only reason why Lilly and I aren't married yet is the war. If it hadn't been for the war, I'd have married her two years ago."

"You really love her, don't you?"

"Yes. And she loves me too, I know that. And I wish I could marry her tomorrow, but I can't. As little as I care about social rules, I am a duke and as a duke I cannot get married without a long engagement and a huge wedding. People would never cease to talk about our reason for marrying if it was done in a hurry. Not even the war would be accepted as an excuse. And I can't do that to Lilly and I can't do it to our marriage."

"Have you proposed to her yet?"

"No. I've been thinking about doing it this week, but I haven't come to a decision yet."

"Sam, you said you love her and she loves you. Don't waste time. If you got engaged now, you wouldn't have to wait too long once this bloody war is over."

"That means that you approve of her."

"Of course I do. You love each other and that is all that matters to me or your mother."

"Is that really true? Would you say that too if I hadn't fallen in love with a lady?"

"Yes. She doesn't know it yet, but we won't be in Sybil's way."

"What are you talking about?"

"Sam, I know you know who Sybil is in love with."

"The chauffeur."

"Well, he won't be a chauffeur much longer. I have had it with Jarvis; he still treats me like a child, so I will ask him to leave. And then I will ask Branson to replace him."

"You are going to ask the chauffeur to be the agent of this estate. You are crazy."

"One might think so. But I have talked to him quite a lot. Whenever he drove me somewhere for the past six months, I talked to him. First about general things and then I found out that he had spent part of his youth on his grandfather's farm. He knows rather a lot about farming, he has hands on experience but he also knows about the business aspects of it."

"He is a socialist."

"Not really, not anymore. He has socialist tendencies, that is true, but that isn't necessarily harmful. And he is rather intelligent and he really loves Sybil."

"Does Mama know about your plans?"

"Yes, it was her idea."

"I should have known. And Matthew?"

"He doesn't know yet but I doubt he will object."

"No, he won't."

"And you don't object either."

"Is that important in any way?"

"It is important to me."

"I don't object."

"I think your mother and sisters are coming back."

He grins at his father and they both walk towards the driveway. When his mother realizes who is welcoming her home she starts to sob and clings to him for dear life.

"Sam, you are back. Why didn't you say anything? We would have come home earlier. We would have welcomed you the way you deserve. We would have made such a fuss."

"But I wanted to surprise you."

"You certainly have." When his mother finally lets go of him he watches her greet his father and is shaken to the bones when he sees their perfunctory greeting. He looks at his sisters with raised eyebrows and they all just shake their heads before hugging him in turn. Mary is the last one and the first thing he says to her is "Matthew is fine and asked me to tell you that he loves you. And I have several letters from him for you. They are in my trunk, on top of all my other things. You can go to my room now and get them if you want to."

"I'll get them later. I love and miss my husband and I love and miss my brother too. Those letters won't leave again soon, but I am afraid that you will." He doesn't answer her but instead looks at her.

"How's Baby Crawley?"

"Very well. Thank you. It's funny that you call the child that. It's what Matthew always says, well writes."

"He says it too. He hardly talks about anything else. Just you and the baby. He was so overjoyed when he got that letter. He takes it with him everywhere. He said he'd try to come home for the birth."

"It would be lovely if he were here. But please tell him that I won't be angry if it isn't possible."

"I will."

"Mary, Sam, we'll go inside."

He offers his sister his arm and she takes it and smiles at him.

"Lily will be here tomorrow morning at 11," she says to him. "And she doesn't know you are here."  
"Thank you. Thank you for being a friend to her though all this time."

"Your future wife is a very nice woman, much nicer than her sister."

"I'm glad you like her. But please don't jinx it."

"I like her very much."

His father turns around and looks at them with a sorrowful expression on his face and in that moment Sam realizes that his mother has already left to talk to some of the nurses.

"What is going on?" he asks Mary.

"They don't get along very well right now. We think Mama works too much and Papa broods too much but there is nothing we can do and we've tried quite a lot. A few weeks ago, Edith, Sybil and I all had dinner in Granny's just to give them some space. We came back late, we actually took a detour, and when we came home Mama was in bed and Papa was in the library quite drunk. We tried to talk to him but he wouldn't say anything. He might talk to you though, you are a man."

"I'll try. And that's the dressing gong." He guides his sister upstairs, gives her a kiss on the cheek, goes into his room and dresses as fast as he can, without waiting for a valet. He is sure that his father had planned on sending his own valet to him, but he wants to talk to his father before dinner, so he doesn't have time to wait to be dressed. He waits in front of his father's door and as soon as Bates opens it he goes inside without knocking.

"Papa, I need to talk to you." He decided on an American opening because it is much faster than the English tradition of beating around the bush.

"As you came in here without even knocking I suppose it is urgent."

"In a way." It is urgent because he wants to deal with his parents marital problems now, so that he has time to think about his own marriage as soon as Lilly is at Downton.

"What is wrong between you and Mama?"

"Nothing."

"You are lying." He doesn't like to talk to his father this way, but it might prove more effective than trying to be nice.

"She is very busy, Sam."

"And you don't like that."

"I am glad she enjoys her work. But sometimes it is a little too much."

"In other words you miss her."

"Her and having our house to ourselves."

"The second problem can't be helped, but the first one can."

"Sam, I don't need marital advice from you. You can't give it, you aren't married."

"I won't give you marital advice, but will give you advice. Stop brooding. I've been back for a few hours only and your brooding is already setting my teeth on edge."

His father looks at him as if he had slapped him across the face and he realizes he has gone too far.

"I am sorry Papa, I shouldn't have said that."

"No you shouldn't have. But thank you for apologizing." His father takes a deep breath now and then says "But it is true, isn't it? I brood too much, don't I?"

"I think you do. But then I've been here only for a few hours so it is hard for me to say."

"It is because I feel so useless, Sam. You and Matthew are at the front and your mother and sisters are all busy here and there is nothing left for me to do. Running the estate isn't much work these days because most men are in France. Your sisters are grown up, your mother doesn't need me for anything anymore."

"Has she said that to you?"

"No. But I know regardless."

"How can you be sure without having asked her? Maybe you wouldn't miss her so much if you helped her."

"It's time we went downstairs and surprised your grandmother."

He knows this is the end of the conversation but he also thinks that he might have given his father something to think about.

His grandmother is so happy to see him that she even gives him a kiss on the cheek, something she hasn't done since he has been very small. His two younger sisters tease him endlessly when Mary lets slip that Lilly is coming to Downton the next day about ten minutes into dinner, but he doesn't mind being teased by them, he missed them too much to mind anything they do. As he had predicted, his mother insists on foregoing the separation and he is thankful for that because he wants to spend time with her and his sisters just as much as with his father. His mother lets the others go ahead and grabs his wrist when he wants to go into the drawing room. She smiles at him and then asks

"What are your plans for Lilly?"

"I want to marry her. I love her and she loves me too. We've loved each other for years, really."

"So are you going to propose while you are both here?"

"I don't know yet. Papa thinks I should."

"He is right."

"Speaking of Papa, is everything all right between you?"

"I think so."

"Do you really?"

"Well, he broods quite a lot. He is still angry that the army only wanted him as a mascot."

"I think that is not the only reason." His mother looks at him questioningly now.

"Go on."

"He misses you. You do so much work here, so much good work, but it takes up a lot of your time and he misses you."

"I don't think so."

"I am sure of it. And so are Mary, Edith and Sybil."

"Sam, I"

"Just think about what I said. Please. Don't let the war come between you and Papa." With that he leads his mother through into the drawing room, guides her towards his father and then joins his grandmother to talk about the Shakletons. From what his grandmother says, Lilly seems to miss him very much and while he feels very sorry for her, it also makes him happy to hear it.

_Cora_

"I can't believe he is here," she says the moment her husband enters their room.

"No. I thought Carson was playing a very bad joke on me when he announced Sam. He said it so formal and announced him as 'His Grace, the Duke of Suffolk', when 'Captain Crawley' would have been enough. Although I'd probably have expected Matthew then."

"Sam probably didn't like being announced like that."

"He didn't say anything, but he has to get used to it. He can't pretend to be Lord Downton for the rest of his life. Not with Mary and Matthew possibly having an heir soon."

"The baby might be a girl, Robert."

"I know. I know it is possible that they will have ten children and that they will all be girls. But it doesn't change the fact that Sam will eventually have to live up to his own title. Especially if he really wants to ask Lilly Shakleton to marry him. While it makes me very proud and happy that he still calls himself Sam Crawley, he will eventually have to face the fact that he is, in fact, not a Crawley."

"Robert, that is where you are wrong. Sam is a Crawley through and through. You have no idea how much he is like you. He is more like you than our three girls put together."

"Cora, that is very nice to say, but hardly the truth."

"It is. Robert, I haven't seen Sam in over one and a half years and I never noticed it to such an extent before, but he really is like you. He talks like you, he moves like you, he holds himself like you, he laughs like you, he smiles like you, he ruffles his hair the way you ruffle yours, he says 'hm' the way you do when he isn't sure what else to say and according to your mother he has a dreamy expression on his face when he talks about Lilly Shakleton the exactly matches the dreamy expression on your face when you talk about me."

"If he feels about Lilly Shakleton the way I feel about you, he should propose to her the moment she gets out of the carriage tomorrow morning."

She looks at her husband's face and remembers Sam's words to her. 'He misses you.' Maybe Sam and the girls are right.

"Dance with me," she says to him and the smile on his face speaks for itself. They inevitably end up with their arms wrapped around each other and she realizes that they haven't done this for months. "Robert?"

"Hm?"

"I love you. Very much. I know haven't said it often enough during the last few months, but I do. I love you."

"I love you too. And I want to help you with running the house. In any way I can. There isn't much to do in terms of running the estate, so I have a lot of time on my hands. Whatever you need help with, just tell me."

"There are a great many things I could use your help with, but let's talk about that tomorrow. Or maybe the day after, because we might have to organize a dinner to celebrate our son's engagement tomorrow night."

"Let's hope so." She looks up at him now, he smiles at her and they get lost in a seemingly endless kiss.

To be continued.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Pure fluff. Slightly pointless, if fluff can ever be pointless.

* * *

_Sam_

He gets up at six because he can't sleep anymore. He decided to propose to Lilly today and although he is sure that she will say yes, he still feels very nervous. He walks around the house aimlessly until he meets Sybil who is on her way to work.

"Sam," his youngest sister exclaims cheerfully.

"Sybil. Off to the hospital I gather."

"Yes."

"And I suppose the chauffeur will take you."

"Well, I am not going to walk."

"I suppose not. Sybil, I might take Lilly to my estate tomorrow and I would need Branson to drive us there. You could come with us, if you wanted to."

"If you are taking her there, that means you must be planning on proposing."

"Yes. I'll do it today."

"Good luck, my dear brother. She'll say yes. She'd be stupid not to."

"Thank you."

He spends the rest of the early morning walking around the estate and then wants to join his father for breakfast and is surprised when his mother is there as well.

"War makes me get up early, Sam," she says when she sees the surprised look on his face.

"Hm," he says because he doesn't know what else to say. His parents look at each other and begin to laugh and he doesn't dare to ask why. Apparently he has just made a fool out of himself.

He is in front of the house at quarter to eleven because he doesn't want to miss Lilly's arrival. When the carriage finally comes to a halt in front of the house, a torturing three minutes after eleven and Lilly is handed out of the carriage by a footman, he throws propriety to the wind, runs to her, lifts her up and swings her around. She screams with surprise, begins to laugh and then kisses him on the lips in full view of everyone else. He can hear both his mother and father chuckle behind him. He lowers Lilly to the ground to let her be welcomed by his parents and Edith and Mary.

"Lilly, we are glad to have you here," his father says and Lilly smiles a brilliant smile at this, as if she knew what was coming her way.

He takes her on a walk and because they need to be chaperoned his parents come with them but they are in their own little world and have no idea what he and Lilly are talking about or are doing.

"Why didn't you let me know you were coming?"

"Because I wanted to surprise you."

"Well, you've certainly done that." He looks at her and realizes that she holds onto his right arm in almost the same way his mother holds onto his father's left arm. He supposes this to be a good sign.

"What are you smiling about?"

"Look at my parents and then look at us. You are holding onto in almost the same way my mother holds onto my father."

"It's a very god sign, isn't it? Your parents must have been married for over twenty years now and they are still incredibly happy with each other."

"They've been married for 23 year now. I think they went through a rough patch, but they seem to have resolved that last night. At least they both laughed at me at the breakfast table this morning."

"What did you do?"

"I have no idea. But I don't care, I am glad they seem to be all right again. I can't stand it when they fight, though thankfully they hardly ever do."

"Sam, I think we have to face the fact that there are fights in every marriage. Let's just hope that we will fight as little as your parents and not as much as mine." The moment Lilly stops speaking, Sam can see in her face that she realizes what she has said.

"Oh God, Sam, I am sorry. I shouldn't have said that. It was presumptuous and I am very sorry, I"

He kisses her on the lips, says "Don't be sorry," takes the ring out of his pocket and kneels down in front of her.

"Lilly, I love you more than life and I want to spend my life with you. So, will you marry me?"

"Yes," Lilly almost screams and the moment he gets up, she tries to get down and they topple over and Lilly falls on top of him. He knows this is more than just indecent but they have decided to get married anyway so he wraps his arms around her and kisses her. He can't remember ever having been this happy.

_Robert _

The moment he hears Lilly's scream he knows that he will have her as a daughter-in-law. He and Cora turn around at the same time and they watch their son and his future wife topple into the grass and land in a rather indecent position.

"We should stop that," he says to his wife when he watches his son kiss Lilly.

"Yes. But we could pretend to not have seen them," his wife says and smirks at him.

"What in the world would justify not noticing this?"

"Darling, if you were to kiss me, we might get lost in our own little world and be oblivious to the everything else around us." Cora hasn't been this playful with him in weeks and it lets his heart skip several beats that she is that way now. He missed her so much and he is glad beyond words that Sam's interference seems to have brought them to their senses.

"I can't say no to that, can I?" he asks his wife and when she shakes her head he captures her lips with his own, they really do get lost in their own world, because when they finally break apart they are quite alone.

"Where are Sam and Lilly?" his wife asks him.

"I have no idea. I suppose we are just rubbish at chaperoning. We let Mary and Matthew get away with far too much as well."

"I don't think it hurt them." He smiles at his wife again and she smiles back at him. He missed her smiles very much.

"Cora, I am sorry for brooding so much. I'll stop that, I promise."

"Thank you darling," she says and gives him a fleeting kiss. "And now we should go inside and hope to God that we will find our son and his future wife in a public space in a decent position."

"Even if we don't, Sam knows how to be careful."

"When did you talk to him about that?"

"I didn't really talk to him about that. I would never be able to do that. But I gave him a book to read. And I told him that it was not a duty. And I am sure that he and Matthew will have talked about it. They've spent three years sharing a tiny room, both pining for the loves of their lives."

"Robert, I'd rather not think about that."

"He is an adult, Cora."

"That is not what I mean. I'd rather not think about Sam and Matthew at war and in the trenches. It is killing me. Just as it was killing me when you were in South Africa. I know you are upset they didn't let you go on active duty again, but I am relieved by it. If you were gone too, I'd not be able to hold up, I'd not be able to run this house or to support Mary through her pregnancy or take care of anything or anyone else. I am scared of getting bad news every second of every day, but I am still able to function because you are here. If you were gone too, I'd go mad. And I don't mean that figuratively, I mean it literally. And with every day this war goes on, I get more scared that they will eventually accept you for active duty. They've already let Anthony Strallan go to France and he is only a year younger than you. What if they lift that age limit again? They will, I am sure, because this bloody war is not going to end anytime soon."

"They've already sent me a letter, telling me that they'd be willing to reconsider my application for active duty. But I won't go to war because my medical would not allow it. I've asked Clarkson about it and he said that I'd never pass the medical, so I won't even try."

"You wouldn't pass it because of your old injury."

"Yes. That splinter is still in my side and it doesn't hurt me and Clarkson says it won't move, so there is no danger, but there are certain things that need to be done on a battlefield that I can't do. Like crawling through the mud."

"That relieves me to no end." He kisses her and he knows that she is not asking the question she wants to ask because she knows what his answer would be, would have to be. And he also knows that she understands why his answer would have to be that way, even if it broke her heart. Because it has started to rain he guides his wife inside and they find Lilly and Sam in the library with Edith and Mary.

"I suppose congratulations are in order," he says to his son and the smile on his son's face makes him forget for a moment that Sam getting married also means Sam leaving Downton.

_Sam_

The celebratory engagement dinner his parents throw for him and Lilly will go down in history as one of the happiest dinners ever to be held at Downton. The only person missing is Matthew, but a letter from him had arrived in the evening post, announcing that both Matthew and Sam had been moved to the reserve for three months and wouldn't have to go back to the trenches for that period of time. His parents seem to have gone back to what they were before the war and that makes him almost as happy as his own engagement. Lilly looks radiant and carries the conversation for most of the dinner, something that makes him rather proud of himself for having fallen in love with her. He never considered that the woman he would marry would become a Duchess the moment they were pronounced husband and wife but the woman he fell in love with will make a perfect Duchess.

"We'll go see the estate tomorrow, if you want to," he says to her.

"Your estate you mean?"

"Yes. If you want to."

"I'd love to."

"Good. I've already told Branson to take us there."

"Sam, who will chaperone you on your trip there?" his father asks.

"Sybil. I've already asked her and she has already been released from duty for tomorrow."

"So Branson will take you there and your unmarried youngest sister is supposed to chaperone you? That is an absolutely brilliant plan, Sam."

"Papa, the irony in your statement can hardly be noticed."

Lilly looks at him as if she was about to ask what was going on but he only says 'later' to her and changes the topic of conversation.

Once they arrive at his estate they take a walk around and then enter the house. The estate had been turned into a hospital at the beginning of the war and because nobody lives there, it is working quite efficiently. They are lead through the house and shown all the principal rooms. Nothing of this is new for Sam, his parents took him here at least three times a year when he was younger but he has never felt at home here. Once their tour is at an end at and they stand in front of the house again, Lilly looks at him and says "You don't want to live here."

He can't lie to her so he says "No, I don't."

"I don't want to live here either. This isn't a house, it's a hospital. It should stay a hospital after the war. Maybe one of the so far unused wings could be turned into a children's hospital. With rooms for worried parents to sleep in."

"That is a brilliant idea. But where will we live? I own a small estate in Scotland and a house in London, but both places are only suited for short stays. We will have to live in London during the season of course, but the house in Scotland is really only fit for vacation."

"I thought we could live at the Abbey."

"What Abbey?"

"Sam, I always thought you were rather smart. Downton Abbey of course. Your parents would be only too happy to have us there and Matthew and Mary wouldn't mind either. It would be better for us and better for our future children to live with your relatives instead of being isolated here. And this house can be put to good use."

"I love you," he says and kisses her.

"Let's go home," she says to him and this time he knows that she means Downton.

They have lost Sybil and the chauffeur somewhere between the entrance hall and the library and they now go looking for them to tell them that they want to be on their way. They find them kissing in a secluded corner and laugh themselves silly at their fear stricken faces when Sam coughs loudly after discovering them.

"Your Grace, I am, I don't, I didn't," the chauffeur stutters and he has to laugh a little more. And because his father has already told him that the family won't stand in Sybil's way, he just takes the next logical step. He holds his hand out to the chauffeur and says

"I am sure you didn't and I suppose your intentions towards my sister are honorable. Call me Sam." With that he takes the chauffeur's hand and looks at him questioningly, but the poor chap seems to have found his footing again.

"Yes, my intentions towards your sister are honorable. She has agreed to marry me."

"Well then, congratulations Sybil, congratulations Tom," he says, gives his sister a hug and shakes Tom's hand again. Not surprisingly, Lilly follows suit.

When they get home and Sybil and Tom announce their engagement to the family he hears his mother whispering to his father. "They are even worse at chaperoning than us."


	6. Chapter 6

Downton 1918

_Cora_

She goes home almost cheerfully. She hasn't really been cheerful for the past four years, but more and more people are talking about the war coming to an end within the next few months, and the ending of the war would mean the return of Sam and Matthew. So far they have both made it through unscathed and she keeps hoping that the fact that they've come this far is a good sign for them coming home. She'd have her whole family with her again then and that is something she has been hoping for and dreaming of since the day that her son and son-in-law left in the summer of 1914. They have both been home several times; Matthew even came home less than two weeks after his son had been born, but Sam and Matthew were never home at the same time, not even for Sybil and Tom's wedding, and the thing she is longing for most is a dinner with her husband, all their children, Matthew, Lilly, Tom, her mother-in-law, Rosamund, and Isobel. When she opens the door to the library she sees her husband standing at the window, looking outside.

"Hello Robert," she says and walks towards to greet him properly. He turns around and one look at his tear-streaked face tells her that something terrible must have happened.

"It's Sam," he says, his voice shaking. "I've had a telegram from Matthew. He says he is bringing Sam home. He got shot while they were on patrol together."

"Is Sam still?" but she can't finish the sentence.

"Matthew says Sam is somewhere between life and death and that he can't promise to bring him home alive."

"We must let Lilly know."

"Tom and Sybil are on their way to the Shakletons. They'll tell her and bring her here. If she wants to come, but I am sure she will want to. She will want to see him again, regardless of what happens."

This last sentence is what finally brings home to her that her son is probably about to die and she breaks down in tears. She feels her husband holding her up and she knows she would faint if he hadn't wrapped his arms around her.

It is the worst night of her life. She doesn't go to bed, no one goes to bed. They all stay in the library. Lilly stares into space and says "I can't live without him," in infrequent intervals. Even her mother-in-law has come and the Dowager Countess is lost for words. Mary, Edith, Sybil, and Tom try their best to make everyone think of different things, but it isn't possible for them. The girls fear for their brother's life and Tom fears for his friend's life.

_Matthew _

It is the worst night of his life. He is on a ship, sitting next to Sam and telling him, begging him not to die. He has never been so scared. Not when they were fired up on, not even when they got stuck behind enemy lines. He had been able to do something then. Now all he can do is sit next to the man he has come to think of as his brother and pray to God that he will make it. He can't imagine life without Sam; the pain of missing would never go away. They have spent the last four years cramped together in tiny rooms and barracks. The worst part of the war had been the waiting in the trenches and he is sure he would have gone mad had Sam not been there. They talked about everything and nothing, he thinks he now knows every childhood story of Mary there is to tell and Sam now knows everything about industrial law there is to know. They took to writing joint letters to Tom when Sam had come back from his last trip home and told him about the two engagements parties held at Downton in the space of two days. They wanted to make sure that Tom felt welcomed by them and he thinks they've been successful. It was Sam he gushed to about Mary being pregnant when he received her letter and it was Sam who listened to him recounting every little thing his son had done in the four days he had seen him. It was Sam who listened to him read passages from his letters from Mary that dealt with George and it was he who listened when Sam told him about his letters from Downton and Lilly. He knows all about Sam's insecurities about being a duke and his decision to turn his estate into a permanent hospital. Sam knows all about his own insecurities about having to be an earl one day. They had been known as 'the Crawley boys' among their equals in their battalion and two of their superiors who had actually fought with Robert in South Africa had referred to them as 'Robert Crawley's sons'. He has to smile at that, because neither one of them actually is Robert's son. He is Robert's son-in-law and heir, Sam Robert's stepson, but they both think of him as their father and it makes the return journey for Matthew even harder. He is not just bringing his wife's stepbrother back to her family, he is bringing his brother home to their father and his brother is on the brink of death. The telegram he had had to send home to let them know what happened, to let them know that Sam was fighting a battle for his life was the most difficult he has ever had to compose.

Sam is still alive, if barley, when they get off the ship and because Sam is a Duke, he is the first one to be taken off the ship and put into an ambulance. Because Matthew himself is a future Earl he is allowed to go into the ambulance with Sam. Under normal circumstances he would have been appalled at this favorable treatment, but at the moment he doesn't care about that, he is glad that they get the treatment they get and if that is because they are aristocrats, then so be it. The doctor in the ambulance tells him that Sam is most likely fighting a losing battle but he holds onto Sam's hand and keeps praying for his brother's survival.

_Robert_

He has been awake for almost thirty hours now and it has been twenty one hours since the telegram arrived and nineteen hours since he had had to tell his wife. Cora has been awake for as long as him and keeps staring into space and if he wasn't holding her hand and could feel her hand twitch from time to time he might have thought that she had gone catatonic. She hasn't said a word for hours, no one has said anything. The breakfast that had been prepared for them and laid out in the library by Carson had remained untouched. Carson had asked if the staff could be informed as soon as there were any news and falling back into the role of the Earl of Grantham, he had stood up, said "Of course. Thank you for your concern," and smiled a faint smile at his head butler. As soon as Carson had left the room, he had sat down next to his wife and taken her hand again and he had thought about how ridiculous the rules of the English aristocracy were. His son was fighting for his life and he himself still tried to keep up an appearance of normalcy. There is no normalcy, not for them. A life without Sam is something he can't imagine, something no one in this room can imagine. He thinks back to the moment he held his boy for the first time, how he had kissed Cora for the first time in years after she had placed him into his arms. Whenever he thinks about his and Cora's relationship, he thinks that that was the moment that changed both their lives. They hadn't been happy until then, and they hadn't been happy at that moment, but that moment had shown them what their lives could be like and they had started to fight for that. They had somehow managed to clear up the mess he had made by being too cowardly to propose to Cora against his parents' wishes and they had merged their two broken families into one whole one. There had never been a question concerning how they felt about the other's child, Sam had become his son and Mary had become Cora's daughter, it had been as simple as that. Mary and Sam had been joined by Edith and Sybil and they had lived a perfectly happy life. Maybe it had been too perfect.

When the telephone rings his heart begins to beat so fast he thinks it might leave his chest. Carson comes into the room and says "The hospital called; they expect the Duke of Suffolk and Captain Crawley to arrive within half an hour." As if on cue they all get up and when it turns out that one of their drivers is sick and they can't all go to the hospital at once, Tom wordlessly climbs behind the steering wheel of the driverless car that had already been parked in front of the house hours ago. When they arrive at the hospital they are welcomed by Dr. Clarkson who looks a little taken aback by the number of people who have come to his hospital, but the doctor doesn't say anything, and Robert thinks that is because Clarkson knows that it would be useless, not because the Grantham estate finances the hospital, but because the Crawleys would not leave one of their own in moment like this. He has to hold up his wife while they wait for the ambulance in front of the hospital, he knows she would break down if he didn't. When the ambulance arrives and Matthew leaves the car and looks at them, Robert has the feeling that his heart has stopped to beat. Everything now depends on Matthew's words. "He is still alive," Matthew says, then turns to Mary, wraps his arms around her, buries his head in his wife's hair and begins to cry. He wants to welcome Matthew back, tell him that it is not his fault, that he doesn't blame him for being the one that remained unharmed but he can't let go of Cora who keeps staring at the ambulance, who keeps watching how their son is transported into the hospital. In that moment he understands what Cora meant when she had told him that she would have gone mad had he left for war too. He knows that if he let go of Cora, she would lose her mind. So he keeps holding onto her, even if he wants to run into the hospital and yell at the doctor and the nurses to stop what they are doing and to take care of his son. After what might have been ten minutes or three hours, Dr. Clarkson comes outside and says "Lord and Lady Grantham, please follow me." He doesn't let go of Cora, not when they walk through the hospital, not when they sit down in Dr. Clarkson's office.

"Your son is still alive, but there is a bullet very close to his lungs and the bullet is moving with every breath your son takes. There are two options. We can give him morphine, just enough for him to not feel the pain anymore. He will probably wake up for a short time then and you can say goodbye, because the bullet will move into his lunges."

"What is the other option?" It is the first time in hours that Cora has said anything.

"We operate and try to take the bullet out. Chances of your son's survival would be minimal and he would be in a lot of pain. You would also not be able to say goodbye to him should he die. And he most likely will."

He turns to his wife and by the look on her face he knows that she wants what he wants. They nod at each other; he turns back to the Doctor and says "operate him."

"Very well," the Doctor says and leaves. They are told by one of the nurses that it will take at least three hours and that they should go home and when they tell their family about Sam's condition and what Dr. Clarkson has said, Sybil turns away from Tom and vomits on the sidewalk. He watches as his son-in-law holds his youngest daughter's hair away from her face because she keeps vomiting and suddenly he knows that Sybil's explanation that she hasn't been on duty for four weeks now because Dr. Clarkson forced her to take all the leave she hadn't taken in two years had been a lie. He now knows why Tom had begged and begged Sybil to eat something last night and this morning, why he had almost forced her to drink something every hour or so.

"Tom, she has to lie down. This is too dangerous," he says. "Take her inside; they should be able to find a bed for her. And stay with her. And make her eat something."

Tom looks at him, tears running down his face. "You make her eat something. She doesn't listen to me." In that moment Cora gasps, lets go of him and walks over to their youngest daughter. She watches as his wife lifts their daughter's chin and says "Sybil, you have to lie down. And you have to eat and drink something. You won't help your brother by endangering yourself and your child. Sam will not thank you for that." Sybil nods and lets Tom guide her inside. "I better go with them," Cora says and he nods. He turns to his other children. Matthew and Mary have their arms wrapped around each other and seem to be lost in their own world and he thinks that this is very good for both of them and he doesn't disturb them. Edith and his mother are trying to calm down Lilly to hardly any avail and he walks over to them and wraps his arms around the girl he had thought would become his daughter-in-law only weeks after the ending of the war. Lilly begins to cry tears she must have held back for more than a day now and he looks at his mother and daughter for help but they only shake their heads. After what seems like an endless amount of time he feels Cora touch his shoulder and he turns to her. "Sybil and the baby are fine. There is no need to worry about them. Although she put both herself and the child in danger. But it wouldn't do to talk to her about that, so we have to leave it be." He nods and passes Lilly off to his mother who takes hold of both Lilly and Edith without even flinching and wraps his arms around his wife again. After what simultaneously seems like an eternity and no time at all, Dr. Clarkson appears and says "Lord and Lady Grantham, please follow me." The doctor leads them into a very small room and Sam is lying on a bed, looking perfectly normal.

"He is still alive, but barely. He lost a lot of blood and I can't make any predictions. His breathing is too shallow, but if he starts to breathe normally within the next ten minutes, his chances of living are good."

"How are the chances that he will start to breathe normally?"

"Very low, almost non-existent."

"Thank you Dr. Clarkson. I wonder if you might leave us for moment," he says to the doctor. Cora has now sat down next to Sam and taken his hand. He sits down on Sam's other side and moves the hair that has fallen into his son's face away from his forehead.

"We are here Sam. Papa and I are here. You are safe." The moment Cora stops speaking Sam takes one deep, shattering, raspy, frightening breath and then stops breathing all together.

* * *

AN: I know nothing about medicine and I suppose that what I have written is utter rubbish in terms of medical correctness, but I hope you can forgive me for that.

Kat


	7. Chapter 7

AN: I seem to have some troubles with posting new chapters, so this might appear in your inbox as a double post and I am sorry about it. I had to delete this chapter once because it didn't appear they way it was supposed to and I am now reposting it. Sorry about that.

But as always, thanks for all the support! I am so happy you like this AU and my original characters!

Kat

* * *

Downton 1919

Robert

He doesn't know what to do. Edith has asked, no begged him, for what felt like the fifty-seventh time to invite Anthony Strallan. He knows why Edith wants this, she fancies herself in love with Anthony, maybe she even is, but it makes him feel uncomfortable. He and Cora decided long ago that they wouldn't meddle in their children's love lives; their parents meddling in theirs had caused them too much pain. They let their oldest daughter marry a lawyer and their youngest daughter marry a chauffeur. Admittedly, said lawyer is also the future Earl of Grantham, and the chauffeur is now the estate agent, and they have turned Downton into one of the most profitable estates in all of England with in the space of six months. But still, those marriages were unconventional. Edith' choice of husband is much more traditional, but Sir Anthony is about as old as Robert himself and has been injured in the war and Robert doesn't know if it would be good for Edith to tie herself to an old injured man who could be her father. He is afraid she won't be happy and that is all that counts for him.

"Cora, could you come in here?" he calls to his wife when he hears her in the hallway.

"Yes, darling," she says and the moment she enters the room she takes his breath away. She is wearing a skirt much shorter than usual and a blouse cut deeper than usual and for the first time he actually appreciates the new fashion. So far he had hated it because he didn't like his daughters showing too much of themselves. None of them would ever appear indecent, but they are his little girls still, even if they are all grown up and two of them have children of their own. But now he knows why this fashion has become so popular so quickly.

"You look stunning," he says to her.

"Thank you. I thought it was time I finally got new clothes. I am glad you like them."

"I do." He looks at her and wonders if he should take her out that night, maybe even take her to London for a few days.

"Robert?" she asks. "You wanted something."

"Oh yes. I forgot what."

"Are you all right?"

"Yes. It's just, you take my breath away."

"Thank you." She smiles at him and he walks towards her and kisses her, he can't help himself.

"I remember what I wanted to ask you now," he says after a while.

"I am listening."

"Edith has asked me to invite Anthony Strallan."

"Again? She asked me about it too."

"What do you think we should do?"

"She seems to like him a lot, so we probably should heed to her wishes."

"I am not sure he is right for her."

"Neither am I but we said we wouldn't interfere."

"No. But this is not about us thinking that she is marrying someone socially unsuitable. Compared to her sisters' choices of husbands, her choice is very suitable. I am just not sure she would be happy with a man who could be her father."

"Neither am I, Robert. But we have to let her make her own choice. I will talk to her about it, but the choice must be hers."

"I suppose you are right."

_Cora_

It's the third time she is in this church to watch a child of hers get married and although she is not a very religious woman, she prays to God that this marriage will be as happy as that of Sybil and Tom and Mary and Matthew. Her eldest and youngest daughters might have made unusual choices when it came to their husbands, but the choices had been perfect for them and that is all that counts. The marriage that is about to be entered upon now is much more traditional in terms of social suitability, something that seems almost uncommon for their family.

When the two people at the altar swear to love each other and to take care of each other, she catches her husband's eyes and smiles at him. He smiles back at her with such a loving smile that for a moment she forgets to pay attention to the ceremony. She only focuses on it again, once Robert has turned away from her.

Robert leads her out of the church after the ceremony and she remembers their own wedding and what it had cost them to get there. She sometimes still can't believe that she is happily married to Robert Crawley, her life had looked so bleak that day her mother had shown her a newspaper clipping that announced the engagement of Lord Downton and the second daughter of the Earl of Withersom. What had followed had cost them both her and Robert a lot, two failed marriages, one ended by death, the other one in a huge scandal about infidelity and divorce, a very unhappy daughter and a fatherless son. She remembers the first time she placed Sam in Robert's arms and the way Robert had kissed her then and how that had turned their lives around.

"A penny for your thoughts," Robert says to her and smiles.

"I just remembered the first time I let you hold Sam. I'd have never thought we would get to where we are now."

"No. But we did get here. Don't dwell on the past, Cora, not today. This is supposed to be a happy day. Sam wouldn't thank you for being sad or pensive on a day like this."

Their car is the second to last to arrive at the Abbey, but she knows that it will be quite some time before the bride and groom arrive. Those two are in an actual carriage, drawn by horses and the masses that have turned up for the wedding will make getting to Downton a slow process for the bride and groom. So she mingles among the guests and only returns to the entrance hall when Robert gently places a hand on her arm and whispers "they are about to arrive," into her ear. She lets him take her by the hand, and she keeps her hand in his while they are waiting, not caring about the looks that are obviously thrown their way. She loves her husband and she doesn't mind the whole world knowing it. The door opens and she almost breaks down in tears when the butler makes his announcement.

"Their graces, the Duke and Duchess of Suffolk."

The bride and groom walk into the room hand in hand in what is clearly a nod to her and Robert. She is the first one to congratulate them, Lilly had insisted on Sam's parents having that honor because the wedding takes place at Downton and it is her way of saying 'thank you' to them for hosting it. She congratulates Lilly first and the young woman's smile shows how happy she is that this day has finally come. She then moves on to her son, carefully places her hands on his shoulders and gives him a kiss on the cheek. "Congratulations my darling boy," she says to him and he smiles at her in thanks. She steps away from the happy couple and watches Robert place a kiss on Lilly's cheek first and then pull their son in a close embrace. When Robert lets go of Sam and she sees them both so close together she can't help but marvel at their uncanny resemblance. The fact that they wear the exact same morning coat probably has something to do with it, but Tom and Matthew wear it too and the resemblance is by far not as obvious. She supposes Robert and Sam look so much alike because they move the same way and hold themselves the same way. This thought finally lets her tears spill over. Seeing Sam standing upright, happy and healthy next to his wife was something she had thought not to be possible. When Sam had taken that one deep, shattering, raspy, frightening breath in the hospital and then had stopped to breathe for what seemed like an eternity to her, but according to Robert had only been a few seconds, she had been sure that her son was dead, that she would never be able to talk to him again, let alone host his wedding. Her world had spindled out of control at that moment and the only thing she remembers is her husband calling their son's name for what felt like a thousand times. After those few seconds that had felt like an eternity, Sam had started to cough violently and spat blood and the doctor that had come at Robert's frantic shouts had said that he had no idea what it meant. But the coughing fit had subsided, her son had opened his eyes, looked at her and said "Mama, I am so sorry for letting myself be shot." She had hardly been able to believe it and just stared at her son incredulously, while Robert had taken both of their son's hands in his and said "Don't ever let it happen again. You got shot and almost killed us." Sam had actually smiled at that and Robert broke down into tears and to this day she has never seen anything as beautiful as her son's smile or as moving as her husband's tears in that moment.

Sam's road to recovery had been long and painful, but he never gave up, he always envisioned himself as a healthy young man. Sybil had once told her that she thought that it was Sam's belief in his own strength that had made it possible for him to become completely healthy again. Sam had been home the day the war ended and she remembers Sam, Matthew and Robert standing next to each other in their uniforms in the entrance hall for one last time. The relief that had flooded through her while Robert had given his short speech had been almost too much to bear.

She is so lost in her own thoughts that she only realizes that Robert has stirred away from the entrance hall when she realizes how quiet it has become around them. She looks around herself and sees that Robert has brought her into the breakfast room.

"What are we doing here?"

"Helping you get your composure back."

"Have I made a fool of myself?"

"No. But I thought you might like a few minutes by yourself."

"Not completely by myself. With you." Her husband smiles at her and wraps his arms around her.

"I love you," he says.

_Sam_

Lilly and he decided not to go on their wedding journey the day of the actual wedding because that would have meant leaving their own wedding reception early and they have waited for this day too long to leave before the end. His parents, Mary, Edith, Sybil, Matthew, Tom, his grandmother, his aunt and Isobel are the last ones downstairs and although he has no idea how this happened, they have all ended up in the library. He, Lilly, Sybil and Tom are sitting on the floor because several of the chairs that are usually in the library seem to have been carried off to somewhere else and so they couldn't find enough chairs for them all to sit on. While his grandmother had rolled her eyes when he and Lilly had gotten up from one of the sofas to make room for her and Isobel, he knows that on this day she doesn't really mind. When he looks around himself he realizes that except for his nephew and niece, his whole family is there and it makes him smile. He asks his father to hand out champagne, he doesn't do it himself because opposed to his father can't for the life himself open a bottle of champagne without the cork destroying something rather valuable in the near vicinity and because of this his father smiles and does the honors. Once the champagne glasses have been filled, he raises his glass and says "Now, this is not very eloquent because I didn't prepare this and I won't get up for it because I am far too comfortable down here on the floor, but I'd like to say something regardless. Thank you all for being here, in this moment, the whole of today and the last eight months. I know I scared you all to death and I also know I wouldn't have pulled through had you not all been there for me and I am very, very glad about that. Also, Mama and Papa, thank you for hosting this wonderful wedding for us here at Downton and for letting us live here. It is where we are happiest and we are very grateful for you not sending us on our way to my own estate."

"To Lilly and Sam," his father says and glasses clink and champagne is drunk and then laughter recommences and he can't remember a happier time. They all stay in the library until the sun is visible again and the butler askes them if they would like to have breakfast now. His father looks at him questioningly but he says "Your party Papa, your decision."

"It's not 'my party', it's your wedding. But I'll make the decision. We'll go to bed first and then come down for breakfast in a few hours. But I'd like us all to have breakfast together. Cora, Mary, would that be all right with you?" His mother just nods and Mary tries to protest but Matthew says "I'll get her out of bed, don't worry."

"We'll have breakfast at ten then."

"Ten thirty," his mother says.

"We'll have breakfast at half past ten," his father says and the whole family bursts out laughing. They all get up then but he makes sure that he and Lilly are the last ones in the entrance hall.

When they are finally alone he turns to Lilly and says

"Dance with me."

"Sam, there's no music."

"Trust me," he says and holds his arms in a dancing position. Lilly steps into them and when he begins to hum and dance them across the empty entrance hall she laughs out loud and he smiles at her. Eventually he wraps his arms around her and she holds onto him.

"We should get started on the wedding night," she says to him.

"I think I am too tired. We've been up for 24 hours now."

"So you will ruin our wedding night."

"I'd be ashamed now if you weren't grinning from ear to ear my love."

"Sam, I don't care about the wedding night and you know it. We decided that it was more important to enjoy our wedding day to the fullest than to have an actual wedding night."

"Well, it wouldn't really have been a wedding night anyway, would it?"

"No. We've had too much practice for that."

"I am endlessly thankful to my father for that book."

"Although you've stopped sticking to what it says a few weeks ago."

"You wanted me to. It was you who said 'screw being careful' if I remember correctly."

"You do."

"It was a good idea though."

"Maybe it was too good an idea."

"What do you mean by that? I thought you enjoyed,"

"Of course I did. I always do. It's just, we might have to pass off a fully grown baby as premature."

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Darling, considering how smart you are, you can be extremely thick headed from time to time."

"Thank you. I love you too."

"What I am saying is that I might be pregnant. I can't be sure yet because I am only two weeks late but there are several other signs as well."

"Pregnant."

"Possibly. It is rather likely."

"We are having a baby."

"I think so."

He lifts her up and swings her around and then says "If we are really having a baby then your idea to 'screw being careful' wasn't good. It was fantastic. I love you so much."

"You don't think the baby coming six weeks earlier than it should and still be fully grown will be a problem."

"Not here. My sisters don't care about such things, and neither do my parents, not really. My Granny might pretend to be indignant but even she won't really care as long as we are not causing a real scandal. And how could we. We are married now."

"Finally."

"Yes."

"I thought I had lost you forever."

"You didn't. You are stuck with me forever."

"I prefer that infinitely."

"Good. Now, let's go to bed, you have to sleep at least a little before we have to come back downstairs for breakfast."

"You know as a married woman I am allowed to have breakfast in bed."

"I do know that. But you heard Papa. And I also know that you don't like having breakfast in bed."

"No, I don't. It's a bedroom, not a breakfast room."

"Tell my mother and Mary that."

"I'd rather not. I have to live with them now."

"You've lived with them for 8 months already."

"Yes. And I've enjoyed it. I love your family. And I love you even more. And you are right, I should sleep. Baby Crawley is tiring me out already."

He has to laugh at that and kisses his wife again before he finally leads her upstairs to their room.


	8. Chapter 8

AN: Same problems as yesterday, so sorry for the double post again.

Thanks for all the support!

Kat

* * *

London 1896

_Robert_

He has been pacing the library of their London house for half an hour now and it hasn't helped him to calm his nerves. Although he is sure of what his wife will tell him when she returns from her doctor's appointment and he has already accepted the most likely result, he is scared of her reaction. He doesn't want her to feel guilty but he is almost sure that she will.

When the library door opens and tears begin to run down his wife's face the moment she sees him, he knows that all his assumptions have been correct. So he walks over to her, pulls her close to him and says "I love you."

"I feel guilty."

"Don't. It's not your fault. It's no one's fault."

"If I hadn't had three children in less than three years, we would probably not have a problem now."

"We don't have a problem, my darling. And I am glad we've got all our children."

"But you won't ever have a son."

"Don't say that Cora. I have a son."

"Who is not your heir."

"No, but it doesn't matter to me. You have to believe it."

"I don't think that you are lying. But you won't ever have the chance to pass Downton on to your son. You will have to let it go to a cousin you don't like."

"I don't like James too much, but Patrick is an engaging child. He is not like his father. But that doesn't matter. Cora, I couldn't be happier. I love you and I love our children. And to be honest, I am a little relieved that you won't have any more children."

"What?" When he hears the hurt in his wife's voice he knows that he phrased his last sentence wrong.

"Cora, Edith' birth was difficult enough and Sybil's birth had you closer to death than life. It is a miracle that you can walk around London by yourself only three months later. While you were in labor the doctor told me twice that he was sure that I was going to lose you. He couldn't believe that you were still alive when Sybil cried for the first time and he could believe even less that you were still alive the next day. You have no idea how scared I was that night. I had been told that it was certain that you wouldn't make it through the night, every breath you took, every movement you made could have been your last. And I was so relieved when you finally opened our eyes and when it became obvious that you were all right. You knew who I was, you knew we'd had another daughter, you remembered. And they had told me that in the very unlikely event that you would wake up again, you would certainly not be yourself. But you were yourself the moment you opened your eyes and when I realized that, that was the happiest moment of my life."

"I thought the happiest moment of your life was when we were pronounced husband and wife."

"It was, until that moment. Until I had to fear for your life, until I had been almost sure that you were going to die and then realized that I wouldn't lose you after all."

"Why have you never told me that?"

"Because it was too painful for me to talk about. Thinking about it still tears me apart. But I think it was time that I told you regardless."

"I love you too."

"That is what matters. And now let's go upstairs, spend time with our children."

As soon as they have reached the landing of the stairs, the nursery door opens and Sam comes running towards them, screaming "Papa, Papa" and he has to catch his son or he would have toppled over. He has to smile about that because he had had to save Mary from crashing into things or other people because of running too fast more times than he can count and it makes him happy that his two eldest children are so alike.

He dismisses the nanny and he and Cora take care of their children themselves. They don't often get to do it, and taking care of four children under the age of six, three of whom are actually under the age of three, isn't easy under any circumstances but he treasures the afternoons he is able to spend with his family. He knows that once the estate is his, that once he is the Earl of Grantham, he will have less time on his hands, less afternoons to be spend in the nursery with his dear boy and darling girls. But that is a long way down the road. He watches as Cora holds Sybil, their baby girl, who at only three months old has already shown them that she will be the wildest of them all. "I have to feed her," she says and he nods at her and watches her leave the room. He would like to go with her but right now he can't, because he doesn't want to leave his other children.

"Papa, I will watch Sam and Edith," Mary says to him in a tone far too serious for a six year old.

"You don't have to do that Mary."

"I don't mind. I know you want to talk to Mama without us around. I'll watch them. I'll call you when I need help. I promise. Sam, Edith, I will read to you now. Why don't we all sit down on the blanket?"

Amazingly both Edith and Sam listen to Mary.

"See Papa? You don't have to worry."

"Thank you Mary," he says and marvels at his eldest daughter, who seems to be so grown up already.

He opens the door to the next room as quietly as possible and smiles at the sight in front of him. His wife looks at peace with the world while she feeds their daughter. He knows he that strictly speaking a man of his position shouldn't be watching this, but a woman of Cora's position shouldn't be doing it and they agreed long ago that they just wouldn't follow society's rules if those rules seemed unnatural to them.

"Robert," Cora says surprised but very happily when she sees him. This is another rule of society they break constantly. They show how much they love each other quite openly, regardless of whether they are alone or in company. He remembers the first ball they went to as a married couple, remembers the other guests staring at them, not because he had remarried so quickly after his widely publicized divorce, but because he danced at least half the dances with Cora, because he held her more closely and more tightly than was necessary or proper, because he led her off the dance floor holding her hand, because he had had the audacity to claim the supper dance and thus be placed next to her during supper. He smiles back at her and says

"Mary offered to watch Edith and Sam."

"She is very grown up."

"She is too grown up, but there is nothing we can do. We can't erase the first three years of her life."

"No, Robert, we can't. But we are doing our best for her and she is a happy child now."

"Yes. We are a very happy family, I think." He walks over to her and kisses her, marveling about how lucky they have been and hoping that this afternoon has shown his wife that it doesn't matter that they won't ever have another child.

_Rosamund_

When she walks into the little room next to the main room of the nursery, every piece of her already broken heart breaks again. Her brother and his wife are standing closely together, their youngest daughter resting on Cora's shoulder and they are kissing in a way that shows their deep love for one another. They seem to be in paradise and she has to take them to hell. She told Mary, her six year old niece who behaves is if she was sixteen already, to keep watching Edith and Sam and to read to them and she told her that it was very important and the girl had nodded and said "Of course Aunt Rosamund."

"Robert?" she says and she hears her own voice shaking. Robert lets go of Cora and they both turn around, dazed looks on their faces and for a brief second she wonders if she really has to tell them now, if she shouldn't let them have one last peaceful, carefree afternoon. But she knows that would be wrong, knows that that is not what her brother and her best friend would want.

"Papa is dead."

"What?"

"He had a heart attack and died. It happened somewhere out on the estate. I don't know where or why. They asked me to tell you. We have to go to Downton. Marmaduke is downstairs, he has already organized the return journey."

_Violet_

"Lord and Lady Grantham, Lady Rosamund and Mr. Painswick."

She stops staring into space and turns towards the door. Her son, who is now the Earl of Grantham, walks towards her, followed by Rosamund and both her children give her hugs she doesn't want but is too tired, too empty to refuse. They sit down on either side of her and then Cora comes towards her and gives her kiss on the cheek, as does Marmaduke. Those two sit on the opposite sofa, looking at her with the most pitiful expressions she has ever seen. She knows she should be thankful to her children for dropping everything in London, she knows why Robert and Cora had been in London and that it must have been hard for them to deal with, but she wishes they hadn't come; she wishes they would just leave her alone with her grief. She knows they are grieving their father and she supposes that Robert had to return to take on the role of the Earl of Grantham but she doesn't care. Her husband was the Earl of Grantham, it should not be her son, not now, not this soon. For the first time in her life she breaks into a crying fit in front of someone who is not her husband and eventually she feels gentle hands guiding her somewhere else, although she has no idea who is guiding her where.

The next thing she knows is that she wakes up from what has felt a horrible nightmare, because she dreamed that her husband was dead, but when she opens her eyes and Cora and Rosamund are in her room, both of them dressed in black and Rosamund's face swollen from tears, she knows that it wasn't a nightmare. Her husband is dead. She closes her eyes, she wants to shut the world out, she ignores Cora's pleas to wake up again, to focus on her, to talk to her.

"Mama, you have to get up, you have to get dressed, you cannot stay away from the funeral." This time it is her son who is speaking to her but when she looks at him, she sees a man who is at least ten years older than her son. She doesn't react.

"Mama, please. I know you are hurting, I can only imagine how much, but you have to go to the funeral. You will regret it forever if you don't."

"You have no idea how much I hurt."

"I know. I only have an inkling of it." In that moment she remembers that her son almost lost his wife a few months ago, had been told twice that Cora would never wake up again after Sybil's birth and that he really does have an inkling. But it is only that, because Cora came back to him. And Patrick is dead and she didn't even have the chance to say goodbye. The last thing she said to him was "Please come home in time for the dressing gong," and he had said "I will, don't worry." She wishes she had told him that she loved him, she hardly ever said it to him, he always told her she didn't have to because he knew but she regrets not telling him one last time more than anything in that moment.

"Tell your wife you love her, Robert. Tell her every time you have to go somewhere without her. Tell her every day."

"Papa knew you loved him, there was no doubt about it. He knew and he loved you too."

She nods at her son and then rings for her maid because she knows that Patrick would have been very disappointed if she wasn't able to go to his funeral.

The service is as nice as services of this kind can be and she is surprised that it went the way it did, she is surprised by the dinner that is served for their guests afterwards, she is surprised by the fact that they have guests and that they are well taken care of. When she thanks the housekeeper for this, the woman looks at her flabbergasted and tells her to "thank Her Ladyship instead." For a moment she doesn't know who the housekeeper is talking about, until her eyes fall and Cora and she realizes that it must have been her who had taken care of it all. And she is infinitely thankful to that American girl.

_Robert_

"How are you?"

The soft voice of his wife brings him out of his reverie. "Better. Not well but better. The funeral gave me some closure."

"Good. Is there anything I can do for you?"

"No. I'd ask you to not leave me alone tonight, but you never do that anyway."

"No."

"How are you?"

"Tired, sad, relieved."

"Thank you for taking care of it all. My mother probably hasn't thanked you for it yet, she probably never will, but she is just as thankful as I am."

"I know. I am not fishing for a 'thank you'. I did what had to be done. None of you were in any fit state to take care of the funeral. And I understand."

"Thank you for that, my darling."

"You are welcome."

She now leads him to their bed and he is glad she does because he is very tired. He lies down, facing away from her and she moves as close to him as possible, putting her arm around him. He holds onto it, holds onto her and that is when it hits him. He is the Earl of Grantham and he will never have a son who will also be his heir. Should something happen to him, no one would be there to take care of Cora the way she took care of all of them. His wife and children would be chased off the estate within minutes after his death, he knows his cousin well enough for that. He decides to change his will.


	9. Chapter 9

Downton 1900

_Robert_

It is time he thinks, not quite time to say goodbye to his wife because he will spend one last night with her and then say goodbye the next morning, but time to talk to her about his will.

"Cora, there is one more thing we have to talk about." She looks at him worriedly.

"I thought you had told me everything there was to know about the estate. And I am sure that your mother will be more than willing to help."

"She will be, she offered and I told her that you would be thankful for her help. But that is not what I mean. There is something else we have to talk about and I think we should go for a walk." He doesn't want to talk about this where they might be overheard by a servant. He trusts most of their servants, but to trust all of them would be foolish and Cora is the only person who needs to know this. When they are outside she holds on to his left arm in the way she has continually done on almost every walk they have been on without their children in the last six and a half years and he will miss it so much. He will miss their children so much that it will physically hurt him but he will miss his wife even more.

"I want to talk to you about my will."

"No Robert, I don't want to think about that you might not come back."

"I know that, but you will have to, at least once because I have to make sure that you know this. Please, darling." She nods at him and he continues.

"We've never talked about my will, so you don't know this, but I changed my will four years ago, a few weeks after my father's death. I tried to make Sam my heir, both in 1896 and very recently, but that is just not possible. Don't argue, darling, I would have done it in a heartbeat if it was possible. And that leaves me, leaves us with the problem of what will happen to you and our children should something happen to me. I know my Cousin James, he'd chase you off the estate the moment he found out he was the earl. The, let's say, traditional way to deal with this would of course be to offer you one of our houses in the village and finance your lifestyle to a certain extent and I am sure that James would do exactly as much as is absolutely necessary. But that is not enough, not for you, not for our children, and we are not a very traditional family, so there are other options and other aspects to be taken into consideration. Now, I do have a private fortune, one that actually belongs to me. I received it from my father on my wedding day, the first one I mean, and I invested it rather successfully. Most of that fortune will be yours should anything happen to me and I trust you to do with it as you see fit, but some of it will go to Mary directly, not because I don't trust you, but because I don't want to risk anything. Because should anything happen to you too, it is important that Mary is provided for. Then there is of course the matter of Sam's estate and fortune, which is considerably larger than mine, by the way. My will states explicitly that I want all the rights and responsibilities that go along with Sam's property and fortune to be reverted to you until he is of age. That should be the natural way so to speak anyway, but all those rights were transferred to me when we got married and if James finds the right the lawyer there is a small chance that a court will agree that all those rights belong to the Earl of Grantham until Sam is of age and that would be a disaster. But that cannot happen now because Sam's property and fortune is of course not part of the entail and so my will is what counts. This of course also means that it is possible for you to move to Sam's estate should something happen to me. It is what I would prefer, but I'd understand if you couldn't deal with that. Then there is of course the matter of Mary. I have made you her guardian, because regardless of how Mary and I feel about this, you are not her mother in the eyes of the law. But I wanted to make sure that Mary would not lose her whole family, would not lose her mother if her father died. I trust my mother and sister not to try to take her away from you, in fact I would like you to take my mother with you should you move to Sam's estate, but there are many other relatives who would love to gain social statues by raising the eldest daughter of a dead earl." He looks at his wife and she takes a deep breath, not unlike Mary does before she begins to speak when there is something important she has to say.

"Robert, thank you for telling me all of that, thank you for trusting me so much. We will move to Sam's estate, should you not return, I have already made that decision, in fact, parts of the house are being renovated now, just in case. The renovations are being paid for from the part of the fortune my father bequeathed to me directly. I didn't tell you about it because I didn't want to worry you. I know James quite well too and just like you I think that he wouldn't let us stay here a day longer than absolutely necessary. And I know that there is a very real possibility that you might not return, no matter how little I want to think about it."

"I don't want to think about it either. I wish I didn't have to fight in this bloody war."

"So do I. But I know you have a duty to do."

"I will miss you."

"I will miss you too. And so will our children. You are a wonderful father for them Robert, they love you with all their hearts." He has to swallow at that. He spends far more time with his children than would be considered 'normal' or even 'appropriate' among the aristocracy. But for reasons he doesn't want to think about, he had to take care of Mary almost by himself from the moment of her birth till the moment that Cora became part of their lives, and he never stopped taking care of Mary, he takes care of all his other children in the same way. He sees them for longer than an hour after tea, and he and Cora have moved dinner from six to eight so that they have time to say goodnight to their children every night. Mary of course is ten years old and doesn't need to be tucked in anymore and she has her own room, but they go into her room every night before dinner to say good night to her regardless. And although their youngest daughter is only four years old and far too young for polite company, they usual let their children have lunch with them and he enjoys it very much. All his children like to tell the most outrageous stories and they always make him laugh. He will miss them so much. But more than that, he will miss smiling at their mother across the table.

"Mary asked if she could have dinner with us tonight."

"It would be her first formal dinner. She is too young for that."

"Maybe. But it would make sure that you were there for her first formal dinner."

"Who else will be there?"

"Your mother, Rosamund and Maramduke."

"I don't know."

"Robert, both her father and her uncle are leaving to go to war tomorrow. She is the only one of our children who has an idea of what this means and she wants to say goodbye. And I suppose she wants to spend as much time with her beloved Papa as possible."

"You are manipulating me."

"I am your wife. I sometimes have the right to do it."

"I will miss you trying to do it. You are always so cute when you do."

"Robert, I am thirty years old, I am not sure that cute is the right way to describe me."

"All right, lovely then. And you've been successful. Mary can have dinner with us tonight."

_Mary_

Her father and her uncle are going to war and she hates the thought, especially when it comes to her father. He is not supposed to leave her alone with her mother and three younger siblings. She loves her father very much and she is afraid that he won't return and it would make her so sad and would make her mother even sadder. But she wants her Papa to be proud of her, she wants him to think that she is a grown up and able to help her Mama because she knows that her father is worried about asking her mother to do too much. He said so to Aunt Rosamund, she heard it. To show her father that she is an adult, she needs to have dinner with the adults and so she asked her mother if she could and her mother promised to talk her father into it. Obviously her mother has been successful because her mother's lady's maid is now doing her hair and her mother is sitting on her bed smiling at her in the mirror. She feels very grown up when she sits at a table with her parents, grandmother, aunt and uncle and is on her best behavior. Her mother lets her stay up for a short while after dinner but then sends her to bed and she knows she has to accept that decision. So she goes upstairs and to her room and lets the nanny help her change and then lies down in her bed. Before she falls asleep the door to her room opens again and her father sits down her bed, next to her.

"Mary?" he asks.

"Yes."

"I just wanted to say goodnight."

"Goodnight."

"I will miss you my darling girl."

"I will miss you too Papa. But I will help Mama, with everything. I promise. I will be a good daughter to her and a good sister to Sam, Edith and Sybil. You don't have to worry about us."

Her father now gives her a kiss on the forehead and then says "I love you."

"I love you too," she says and then stops speaking because she is about to cry and grownups don't cry.

Her father gives her one more kiss and then leaves the room.

She wakes up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep. Her father will leave to go to war and it gives her nightmares and she hates nightmares. So she gets up again, something she knows she is not supposed to do but does anyway. She walks through the house aimlessly until she sees light in the drawing room. Her parents are the only ones in there and they are standing very close, their arms wrapped around each other, swaying in time to a song her father hums. She watches them, she can't stop because she is afraid that this will be the last time that she will ever see her parents like that. She knows that people die in wars, she knows that her father might not come back. Her mother begins to cry eventually and her father tries to calm her down but she can't understand what he says. Her parents begin to kiss after a while and that is when she leaves and goes back to her own room because she knows that she is not supposed to watch anyone kiss. But she hopes that it is good kiss, something both her parents will remember.

_Sam_

He is waiting for his father to say goodbye to him. His uncle has already said goodbye to them all and is now standing off to the side with his aunt. He watches his father say goodbye to his grandmother and sisters first and Edith and Sybil both cry, but his granny and Mary don't and he won't cry either, because Mary has asked him not to and he usually does what Mary says. He thinks that his father looks something like a mixture between a knight and a king in his uniform.

His father crouches down in front of him, looks at him and then begins to speak.

"Now Sam, I have to say goodbye to you. I don't want to, but I have to. I am very proud of you and I love you very, very much, my dear boy. Take good care of your mother and sisters for me. Please."

"I will Papa, I promise."

"Thank you." His father then embraces him and although he promised Mary not to cry, he does cry. "I am sorry Papa, for crying."

"Don't be, son. Don't. I will miss you so very much."

"I will miss you too."

His father then says goodbye to his mother, they hold onto each other tightly and he is sure that they are whispering to each other but he can't hear what they say.

_Robert_

Saying goodbye to his children and mother had been almost unbearable, but saying goodbye to his wife is much more difficult. He pulls her close and she holds onto him as if she would never want to let go.

"I love you," he says to her.

"I love you too."

"I am glad I married you."

"Yes."

"Thank you for giving me the life we've lived for the past seven years."

"You are welcome. I've tried my best to make you happy."

"You have made me very happy. You are sending me to war a happy man."

"I will miss you."

"I will miss you too."

"Goodbye then. And such good luck."

He can't say anything else. He kisses her one last time and then lets go of her. He walks over to where his sister and brother-in-law are saying a tearful goodbye. He touches Marmaduke's shoulder and gives his sister one last kiss on the cheek. He then climbs into the carriage and doesn't look back. He can't because he is sure that his heart would break if saw his family vanish into the distance.

* * *

AN: Obviously a few lines have been taken from Season Two :)

Let me know what you think!

Kat


	10. Chapter 10

AN: Obviously a few lines have been taken from Season Two

Downton 1901

_Rosamund_

She knows what has happened when she feels Cora shaking her awake. She has stayed at Downton ever since her husband and her brother have left for South Africa, officially to help her sister-in-law with the estate, but Cora is not only the Countess of Grantham but also the former Duchess of Suffolk and knows what she is doing very well. Rosamund's real reason for staying at Downton is that she couldn't face being by herself in London, she couldn't face being all alone in the house that she and her husband chose together, bought together, made their home together. But she knows that she will now have to face it alone.

"Marmaduke is dead, isn't he?" she asks Cora.

There are tears running down Cora's face and she only nods.

"Thank you for telling me." It seems odd to her that her husband has died and Cora is the one crying.

"If there's anything I can do," her sister-in-law says but she interrupts her.

"No. Thank you. Please leave me."

She still doesn't cry after Cora has left but she doesn't do anything else either. She lies in the dark and does nothing because her life is nothing. They never had any children, she couldn't have them, so her life had centered on her husband. Her brother and his family have only ever played a marginal role, no one else has ever played any role at all. So she just keeps staring into darkness.

She eventually notices her mother sitting next to her. "I am so sorry," her mother says.

"Thank you," she replies.

"My dear girl, if there is anything,"

"No. Cora already offered, there is nothing. My husband is dead, I will never see him again, I will be alone and that is that."

"I know it hurts, God knows I know how much it hurts. But you won't be alone, not in this family."

"I will be. I have no children."

"You have three nieces and a nephew who all love you, a sister-in-law who is also your best friend, a younger brother who has looked up to you all his life. And you've got me."

"Thank you Mama. But the problem is that my little brother, the head of this family, is in South Africa too and we don't know if he will ever come back. And if he doesn't, what will happen then? Nobody knows."

"I think that Cora knows. Ask her if you want to know. But I know her plans include both you and me. Robert said so before he left. The last thing he said to me was that I shouldn't worry, that Cora would know what to do, regardless of what would happen."

"So they made plans together, they talked about how Cora's life would go on, could go on without Robert."

"I suppose they did."

"Marmaduke and I didn't do that. We should have done that. Why didn't we think about it?"

"Because it is all straightforward for you, isn't it? You are his sole heiress; he made you that the day you got married. You are more than welcome to stay here or with me as long and as often if you like. That is all there is to it."

"Because we could never have any children."

"Yes and no. I think it was rather a complicated affair for Robert to set everything in order before he left. He and Cora have four children, but only two of them are really theirs. And one of the other ones is a 7 year old duke whose property and fortune needs to be managed and can under no circumstances fall into the hands of Robert's heir. And if Robert were to die, in the eyes of the law, Mary would be left without a parent. But they got it sorted out."

"I miss Marmaduke. So much I think that it will break me in two. I wish Robert's problems had been ours. I wish there was something, someone else he'd left behind."

"It just wasn't meant to be."

She falls into a dreamless sleep she never wants to wake up from.


	11. Chapter 11

AN: Same problem with the incorrect display again. Sorry for the double post.

Thanks for the many reviews!

Kat

* * *

Downton 1902

_Robert_

He has been longing for this day to arrive for more than two years now, ever since the day he had had to say goodbye to his family, the day he left for South Africa. He hasn't been home once since, the longest 'leave' he had been granted during the war had been a week and there was no way to get to England and back in a week. He had complained about that to his superiors, had reminded them that he was the Earl of Grantham, that his son was the Duke of Suffolk and as a thank you for that reminder, his next leave had been canceled all together. But now that the day of his return has finally arrived, he actually dreads going home. One reason is that he is afraid to face his sister, who will surely be at Downton. Maramduke's death occurred a year ago and according to Cora's letters, Rosamund is doing rather well now, apparently his sister still grieves her husband, which is only natural, but she herself has returned to the land of the living so to speak. But he has no idea how Rosamund feels about him, because since Maramduke's death, his sister hasn't written to him once. He wonders if his sister blames him for her husband's death and he asked Cora about it in one of his countless letters to her and she had replied that she didn't think so, but it worries him nonetheless. He doesn't feel responsible for his brother-in-law's death, because Maramduke was shot while on patrol and Robert hadn't been with him, but when he had been told about it, it had still made him vomit because it brought home to him what dying in a war meant. His brother-in-law had died thirty, maybe forty years before his time and he left a wife behind, a wife who loved him very much. And it made Robert think about what he would leave behind and that would have been so much more. He had stopped trying to be hero after that. He had actually considered staying in the army on active service after the war, because it would have given him a purpose, but after Marmaduke's death he changed his mind about it.

The second reason he dreads going home is that he hasn't seen his children for two years and he is afraid of the changes those two years will have brought to them, he is afraid the he won't recognize them as his children anymore and that they won't accept him as their father anymore, because he hasn't been a part of their lives for such a long time.

When the carriage comes to a halt in front of the Abbey, he realizes that while all of the staff are waiting in front of the house, Cora and Rosamund are the only members of his family who are there to greet him and it scares him. When he leaves the carriage, Cora walks towards him with a serious expression on her face. She puts her arms around him and says

"I'm glad you are home, I love you, the children are fine and with your mother, we will have our reunion later, take care of Rosamund first, she was sure you wouldn't return." With that she lets go of him and gives him a faint smile. He looks over to his sister and he knows she isn't all right. He walks towards her and when he tries to embrace her, she begins to hit him with her fists and she lets go of a string of things she has probably wanted to say to him for at least a year. "I hate you, I'm glad you are back, how can you do that to me, why didn't you come back after Marmaduke had died, how could you risk your life, I hope you didn't play the hero, why did you let my husband go on that patrol, I know it wasn't your fault, I was sure you wouldn't come back, I was so sure you would get killed too, I was sure that I would lose both my husband and my little brother in that stupid war." She then begins to cry and stops hitting him and he has no idea what to do, so he finally puts his arms around her and says "I am so sorry about Maramduke, he didn't play the hero, he didn't want to die, I am sure. They gave his personal belongings to me, he collected the letters you sent to him and he had pictures of you with him. He didn't want to leave you. I am sorry he didn't come back." Rosamund keeps crying for a few minutes but eventually lets go of him and says "Your wife is waiting for you I think."

He walks over to Cora and her face now looks a lot more relaxed, a lot happier, she looks the way he thought she would look when he returned.

"I love you too," he says and kisses her.

"The children are at your mother's house. We should go there right now."

"Yes, but let's walk. I want you for myself for a few minutes at least."

So they walk down to the village, hand in hand. They keep off the main roads to not be stopped by people wanting to welcome him back and they don't say much. He is glad about that because he doesn't want to be asked questions about a part of his life he already knows now he never wants to talk about. He knows he will have to say a little about it Cora eventually, she deserves that much, and he supposes that should Sam ever have the misfortune of having to go to war, he'd have to talk to him too, but that is really it. What he said to his sister had already been a lot more than he had felt comfortable saying. They slow down when they are in view of his mother's house, because he dreads seeing his children, dreads realizing how much he missed. As if she could read his thoughts, Cora gently tugs at his hand and says "You can't avoid it forever. And the sooner you see them again, the sooner you will feel comfortable being with them again." He nods at her and they take the last steps towards their children.

_Mary_

Her father is finally coming home from the war. She and her siblings had been brought to their granny that morning because her father needed to see Aunt Rosamund first. She doesn't really understand why, but she knows that it has got something to do with Uncle Maramduke's death. But she wasn't sad when her mother told her that she and her siblings wouldn't be in front of the Abbey to welcome their father back, because she wasn't too keen on seeing her parents reunite. She knows her mother rather well and her mother is very emotional, very American, as Granny always says and she doesn't want to see her mother greeting her father 'the American way', because it isn't ladylike behavior. Her Granny keeps telling her that she should be very happy about her parents loving each other so much, but she doesn't really know what 'loving each other so much' means and she wants to be a lady. So she stands in front of her grandmother's house to welcome back her father. She will give him a kiss on the cheek and say 'I am glad you are home' and that will be it. She will be a proper lady; she will make her father proud. So she successfully fights the urge to run to her father as soon as she sees him walking up to the house with her mother. She fights it successfully for exactly one second. And then she begins to run, overtaking all her siblings, because she is still the tallest and the fastest of them all and she throws herself at her father who catches her the same way he used to when she was still little. And she feels like a little girl when her father says "Mary, you've just knocked the wind out of me," slightly exasperatedly but keeps holding tight to her anyway and she begins to cry. Eventually she feels herself being passed off to her mother who puts an arm around her and lets her hide her face in her dress.

_Violet_

She has to smile when Mary starts running almost the second she sees her father, because her eldest granddaughter had spent the day talking about how to greet her father 'like a proper lady would'. She had tried to tell the girl that Robert coming back from the war after two years of basically fighting for his life was cause enough for his eldest daughter to behave a little unladylike, but Mary had insisted that she needed to show her father how grown up she was. Violet didn't think this a very good idea, but she kept quiet about it. Mary is so proud of being almost grown up that Violet didn't have the heart to tell her that her father would probably prefer her to be a child a little longer.

She watches as Robert, with difficulties, passes Mary on to Cora who puts an arm around Mary and lets the girl cry. For a second she wonders what this scene would have been like had Robert not divorced his first wife, if that horrible woman was still at Downton and it turns her stomach into a knot, a knot that becomes even tighter when she sees Robert greet his other three children, children who wouldn't be there if he hadn't gotten divorced and then married that American girl, the woman he had wanted to marry right from the start. When Robert finally lets go of his children and walks towards her, she realizes how much she has truly missed her only son, and how much she shared Rosamund's fear that he wouldn't come back. But he is home now and her stomach finally unclenches again.

_Cora_

She has held back the whole day. In the morning she didn't want to appear too nervous and jumpy to not make her children more nervous than they were anyway. When Robert stepped out of the carriage she had wanted to run to him and to cry and to never let go of him, but he needed to talk to Rosamund first and when he had done that, she decided that it would be best to see their children first because she knew Robert was dreading it.

She had been very relieved when Mary had thrown her grand plan on greeting her father in a 'proper ladylike manner' to the wind the moment the girl saw her father, because she knows that it would have hurt Robert, had Mary not come running.

She held back for the rest of the day because after greeting their children, not only them but also her mother-in-law had come with them to the Abbey and the whole family had spent the afternoon together. Of course her mother-in-law had stayed for dinner and quite some time afterwards. She doesn't blame her, Violet had missed her son and feared for his life more than she would ever admit. But even after Violet had left, they still hadn't been alone because Rosamund just wouldn't go to bed and her and Robert both thought that they shouldn't leave her by herself. But eventually Rosamund did go to bed and Robert had taken Cora by the hand without saying a word. He had led her to their bedroom, had led her inside, closed the door behind him and then put his arms around her. She had been so relieved at finally, really having him back after more than two years that she couldn't hold back any longer. She had begun to cry and so had he.

They have now stood in their bedroom for what seems like an eternity, holding onto each other and crying. Eventually Robert looks at her and says "If you knew how glad I was to have you back, how much I missed you, every minute of every day." "I do know, I think," she replies and he kisses her, really kisses her and then takes her to bed in every sense of those words.

"I didn't think that would happen tonight," she says while she lies in arms, at peace with the world.

"No. Neither did I. But I needed reassurance."

"For what?"

"That we could still do this."

"Why would we not?"

"I was afraid I had changed too much, changed too much to make this meaningful. Because the war did change me and not for the better I am afraid."

"I don't know Robert. I am sure that in essentials you are still the man you used to be. You love your wife and children, and that is all that matters."

"Let's hope you are right."


	12. Chapter 12

AN: Some lines have been taken form 3x1.

Happy Easter to those of you who celebrate it!

Kat

* * *

Downton 1920

_Cora_

Her husband has just told her that he has lost everything and that they will have to leave the Abbey. It seems unreal to her.

"But why were you so heavily invested in one enterprise? Wasn't it foolish?"

"To the extreme. I know that now."

"And it really all is gone. All the money."

"Yes."

"But I thought that Tom and Matthew had turned Downton into a very profitable estate."

"Yes. But certainly not profitable enough to cover such a huge loss."

He begins to cry now. She has seen him cry only a very few times and this shows her how much he is suffering, how horrible he must feel. So she slides of her chair and kneels down in front of him.

"Oh my dear, how terrible for you."

"It's not so good for you."

"Don't worry about me. I am an American. Have gun, will travel."

"Thank God for you anyway." He kisses her hand now and then pulls her close to him. She puts his arms around him and says "I love you. And that won't change."

_Sam_

"Mama, you can't be serious, he can't have lost everything, he can't have been invested so heavily in just one enterprise."

"He was."

"That was foolish to the extreme."

"He knows that now."

"Why didn't he ask my advice? Or that of Matthew? Or even Tom?"

"Because it is hard for parents to ask their children's advice. And your father thought he knew what he was doing."

"Well, he obviously didn't. What will happen now? Where will we live?"

"Sam, we don't know yet. And I only told you now so that you and Lilly can think about where you want to live."

"Think about where we want to live. We've just had a baby, only three weeks ago. We were sure our children would grow up here."

"They won't."

"So you've said."

"Don't be too harsh on your father."

"I am trying not to be."

He can hardly fathom it. His father has lost everything; he'd never have expected his father to do something so foolish. He needs to talk to his wife about this. He is sure to find her either in their room or in the nursery but he goes to their room first because she likes to have their son in there with her. When he stands in front of the door to their room he can hear her singing a lullaby and when he opens the door, he sees her sitting on their bed with their son in her arms and she looks at the boy so lovingly that it almost breaks his heart. And it also leads him to make a decision.

"Hello darling, how are you?"

"Fine. Still too tired to really get up, but your mother says that's not unusual. And I am very happy. But you don't look too happy."

"There is something we need to talk about."

"I'm listening."

So he tells his wife about his father's losses and what that bankruptcy means for him, for them and for the rest of the family. And he tells her of the plans that formed in his mind while he watched her with their little boy.

"Sam, it is up to you of course, but I agree with you. Jamie needs to grow up on an estate, not in a house in London or a vacation home in Scotland."

"So, we've made a decision."

"Yes."

"I'll talk to my father."

"That's best, I think."

He gives both his wife and son a kiss and then goes in search of his father, whom he finds outside, staring at the Abbey.

"Papa" His father turns to him and he sees that there are tears in his eyes. "Let's go for walk."

His father only nods and they follow a path they used to walk on before the war, before the world had fallen to pieces.

"Mama told me. About what happened."

"Did she?"

"Yes. I thought you knew."

"No. But I am glad that she did. You must be so disappointed in me."

"I am a little shocked, but not disappointed. Have you told Mary and Matthew already?"

"No. But I'll do it tonight. I have to, I can't leave them in the dark. It's their inheritance I've lost."

"I suppose that is true. What are your plans?"

"Well, we have another country house, not really an estate, but a little more than a cottage. We'll go there, I suppose. Your mother doesn't mind moving into a smaller home."

"But she wouldn't mind staying in this home, would she?"

"Sam, I feel bad enough as it is. Don't lecture me on having let your mother down."

"You haven't let her down Papa. You could never do that. You would never let any of us down."

"But I have, haven't I?"

"No. You've made a rather unfortunate investment. These things happen and sometimes they can be rectified."

"Not this."

He takes a deep breath now, but he knows it is the right decision.

"Papa, Lilly and I have decided to help you out."

"No, Sam, you can't."

"Yes I can. The money and property is mine and I only asked Lilly because I didn't want to go behind her back. But I have decided to release Mama's fortune from the entail and put it to use here."

"You can't."

"Yes, I can. My … father… couldn't have done it, he wouldn't have been allowed to, to make sure that the money would stay in Mama's family so to speak. But I am the continuation of that family line and I have the right to release the fortune."

"Sam, you have a son of your own."

"Who will not need that fortune. My estate hardly costs me anything, the hospital there is not financed by me, I only provide the house and the garden so to speak. And the rest of the estate is self-supporting because I did exactly what Matthew and Tom have done for this estate."

"But you've invested quite a lot of money into the modernization. There can't be a lot of money left, once you've released your mother's fortune."

"There will be some left. And I've finally decided to sell that ghastly vacation home in Scotland that I haven't been to in ten years. Because that actually does cost me money. I would have sold it earlier if I hadn't been so distracted by the wedding and the baby. A baby I want to grow up here, by the way."

"Sam, I can't take your money."

"You wouldn't be taking my money, you'd be taking Mama's money. Actually, we'd be putting the money where it belongs. Into her husband's estate."

"The money was supposed to go to her eldest son."

"And her eldest son has decided to give it to his father. And it will eventually be passed on to George, so it wouldn't even leave the family. It would just go a different route. Papa, if you feel uncomfortable about this, then talk to Mama about it. Ask her what she wants to happen to her money. I am sure she would want to use it to save her home. Your home. Our home."

"Thank you Sam. I'll talk to your mother, see what she says."

"Good."

_Robert_

He watches as his son walks away from him, a son who has just offered to save an estate he cannot inherit. It shames him that he will have to take his son's money to prevent his own financial ruin but he is also incredibly proud of having raised such a son. He sees his wife leaving the house and Sam walks towards her and obviously sends her to meet him.

"Hello darling, Sam said you wanted to talk to me."

"Yes. Has he told you about his plans?"

"No."

"Well, I'll tell you then. He plans to release your fortune from the entail."

"I didn't know he could do that."

"Apparently he can. He wants to 'put the money where it belongs', as he put it."

"And that would be where?"

"In the words of your son? His mother's husband's estate."

"What?" The disbelief in Cora's eyes reflects his own.

"It's what he said. I tried to talk him out of it, but he wouldn't listen. He said neither he nor Jaime would ever need the money and that it was yours anyway. He told me to ask you what you wanted to happen to your money if I felt uncomfortable taking it."

"And you do feel uncomfortable taking it."

"Very uncomfortable."

"Well, if it was up to me, if I could decide what would happen to all that money, I would use it to save the home we love."

"You would want to save this estate."

"Not the estate per se, but our home. And it is more than just our home. Our children and grandchildren live here, it is their home too. Except for a few relatives across the Atlantic and Rosamund, everyone we love lives on this estate. This is where we've built our lives together, where we raised our children, where we've turned from dreadfully unhappy to blissfully happy. And I think that is worth saving."

They are both facing the house now and he realizes that Cora is right. The estate has always meant a lot to him, it had been his destiny, something to be the custodian of, something to pass on to the next generation, but it is more than that. It is their home. But there are still a few doubts in his mind.

"I still feel uncomfortable taking Sam's money. I know it used to be your money, but it is his now, it has been his since the day of his birth. And neither he nor his son can ever have any right to this estate."

"No. But it is Sam's home just as much as it is our home. He grew up here, he wants his children to grow up here. That is more important to him than a huge number on the credit side on his account."

"I am so ashamed of myself for having been so foolish, for putting Sam in a position like this. I know he does this freely, I didn't ask him, I wouldn't have asked him to do it, but that makes it all the more admirable. He is a wonderful young man."

"Yes, he is. He is our son, we've raised him to be that man, Robert. You shouldn't be ashamed darling, you should be proud."

"I am very proud of him."

"Be proud of yourself. For being such a good father, because that is what you are. Don't argue."

He knows she is sincere, he knows she really thinks that he is a good father and maybe she is right. Sam is who he is because of them. Just as their lovely girls are who they are because of them.

"I will agree to Sam's suggestion. But I will have to tell Matthew the truth at least."

"Yes, you should. He needs to know, but he won't mind."

"No. He is another one to be proud of."

"We should be proud of all our children, including the three in-laws."

"Yes."

"Speaking of which, Anthony Strallan has reappeared."

"I wonder if Sam has a solution for that too."

"I don't know, but maybe you should ask your son for advice."

"I will, don't worry."

Cora has turned back to him now and she smiles at him in a way that still sends a shiver down his spine.

"I love you, my darling," he says to her and then kisses her senseless.


	13. Chapter 13

AN: Just to let you know: I am going on vacation today, so there probably won't be any updates from me for a few days. If there is wifi at the hotel I might get around to it occasionally, we'll see. But to keep you happy, I'll start posting a new story today.

Thanks again for all your support!

Kat

* * *

Downton 1913

_Mary_

"Lady Mary Crawley, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

She doesn't know what to say. It's been only two months since her and Matthew's first kiss and now he is proposing to her, down on one knee with a beautiful ring she doesn't doubt is a family heirloom. She looks at him, looks into his eyes, her knees go weak and she knows her answer.

"Yes."

He puts the ring on her finger, gets up, kisses her and swings her around.

"Are you sure though?" she asks him when he puts her down.

"About what?"

"Wanting to marry me."

"Mary, I have just proposed to you, of course I am sure."

"Only, you are taking on rather a lot. I come with a lot of baggage."

"I don't care. I love you. I've loved you from the first moment I saw you."

"Then lets live our lives together"

* * *

An hour later she goes in search of her mother and finds her in her bedroom.

"Matthew has proposed to me and I've accepted him."

"That is wonderful, my dear."

"I am wondering about whether I shouldn't back out." It hurts her to say it, but she knows she has to talk about this to someone, and her mother is the only one she trusts enough, the only one to understand.

"Why?"

"Because of who I am. Because of what I am."

"I don't understand. You are the woman Matthew has fallen in love with."

"That's what it seems. But I can never be sure whether I will always be that woman, can I? I am trying so very hard to be kind, friendly and loving, but what I really am is nasty, spiteful and unloving."

"Mary, how can you say such a thing?"

"Because it is true. No matter how often you and Papa tell me that I am not like her, the fact remains that I am my mother's daughter and that I have inherited her personality."

"Mary," She has to stop her mother, or she won't ever be able to go on but she has to go on.

"No, Mama. I know you've tried very hard, you've forgiven me for things that were unspeakable and I have tried very hard too. I am trying to be like you every day, but it is a struggle every day. I am not like Sam, who is so much like Papa, that even I sometimes find it hard to believe that they aren't related. But no one would ever say that about us. No one would ever say that I am like you. But everybody who knew my mother would tell me that I was like her."

"Who has told you that?"

"No one, but I know that's the way it is."

"If that is how you feel, then ask your Papa for his opinion."

"He is biased. He wants to see you in me and so he does."

"Mary, I know you are horribly afraid of turning into your mother. But there is no reason for you to be afraid of that. You are not like your mother, not at all. The fact that you don't want to be like her already sets you apart. And you keep forgetting one thing. You aren't just your mother's daughter, you also are your father's daughter. And you are quite like him, I think that is something you tend to overlook. You've certainly got your stubbornness from him. And don't worry about making nasty comments from time to time. Your Granny does that all the time and while your father hardly ever does it in public, you should hear him talk about people he doesn't like when I am the only one who listens. And as for you being unloving as you say, that is not true either. You do love Matthew don't you?"

"Of course I do. I wouldn't have accepted him if I didn't."

"And you love your brother and sisters, no matter how much you and Edith are at each others' throats."

"They are my siblings; I love all of my family."

"There you go then. You love your family and your future husband. Don't tell me you are unloving." Her mother squeezes her hand now and she knows that she is right. The moment she makes to leave, the other door opens and her father enters the room.

"Is that advisable?"

"What?"

"Sharing a room?"

"If you want your marriage to be happy, then yes."

"I'll keep it in mind. Mama, you can tell Papa. I'll leave you now. Goodnight."


	14. Chapter 14

Downton 1913

_Sam_

He has been pacing the house aimlessly for a while now because he doesn't know what to do. He has no idea what to put in his best-man's-speech. Matthew asked him to be the best man at his wedding before he had even proposed to Mary, but then Matthew had been sure that Mary would say yes and Matthew had wanted to show the ring to someone. He had of course given Matthew the "don't hurt my sister or I'll have you torn apart by wild dogs" speech then, but more out of a sense of obligation to his older sister than out of real fear that Matthew would ever hurt Mary. Because that is something that Matthew would never do. He is rather proud of Matthew and Mary getting married because he had been the first one to suggest it, although he wouldn't have done that if at that time he hadn't already been convinced that Matthew was the right man for Mary. He had known that after having spent less than a day with Matthew in London, because Matthew likes to argue and so does Mary. In addition to that, it had become clear very early on that Matthew was a very good man and that was all that had mattered to him when it came to his sister's choice of husband. That Matthew had turned into his best friend within the first two weeks he spent at Downton despite of the age difference between them had only added to his conviction that Matthew and Mary were perfect for each other.

When he walks around the gallery for the fifth time, lost in his thoughts he literally walks into Mary whom he didn't see because he never notices where he walks when he is thinking. Mary had clearly not seen him either because she had been reading a letter.

"Sorry Mary," he says. "I did not see you."

"Like brother like sister," she says to him and they both laugh. It is a running joke between them; it has been for more than ten years. Whenever they do something similar they say it and it happens rather often. Their mother always laughs about it and shakes her head at them but their father becomes quite sentimental at it.

"What has got you so preoccupied, little brother?"

"Your future husband. I've been thinking about the speech he is making me give and I have no idea what to say. Or rather I have no idea how to say what I want to say."

"You'll come up with something, you always do."

"Let's hope so. What's in the letter?"

"You can read it," she says and hands it to him. It is a rather short letter but he understands why it has Mary preoccupied because it is a letter from her mother who is asking to be allowed to come to the wedding, citing the fact that Mary is her only child as the reason.

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know."

"I thought you hated that woman."

"With all my heart. But she is my mother and I am her only child."

"But that is not your fault. You don't owe that woman anything."

"No, I don't. But I still wonder if I should really exclude her from the wedding."

"You haven't seen her since 1905."

"No. But she writes to me occasionally and I reply. Never immediately, only weeks later and I keep mentioning Mama in my letters but it doesn't stop my mother from writing."

"If you want her to stop, you have to tell her."

"I don't want her to stop." This takes him by surprise.

"Why not?"

"Because she is my mother. Don't get me wrong, I do not love her, but she is still part of my life. I wouldn't be here without her."

"I suppose that is true."

"Don't you ever wonder about your father? And I do mean your father, not Papa."

"No, I don't. Mama once offered to show me a few pictures and to tell me a little about him, but I didn't want to hear it and I didn't want to see the pictures. I feel nothing for that man. He might be responsible for me being in this world and it is his fault that I am the Duke of Suffolk when I'd much rather be Viscount Downton, but while I am aware of the influence he has had, in a way still has, on my life, it is something I don't think about. But maybe it is different for me because I never met the man. And I can't remember a time when Papa was not in my life. Or you for that matter."

"I think that's the difference. You don't remember but I do. And I envy you that. I wish I couldn't remember my mother, I wish Mama had always been in my life because then I wouldn't be so conflicted and I wouldn't be so afraid of being like my mother."

"You aren't. Mary, just like me, you are quite like Papa."

"That is what Mama says, but I don't know if it is true."

"I am telling you that it is true. You have some of Mama's character traits too, you tend to laugh openly and despite your sharp tongue you usually are rather accepting of others. And you are very kind to people below you. Papa is that too, of course, but there is a difference between his kindness and Mama's. And you are like Mama in that way. And you sometimes speak with a slight American accent."

"I don't."

"Yes you do. Ask Matthew if you don't believe me."

"I am afraid of hurting Mama if I let that woman come to my wedding."

"But you want her to come."

"I don't know. I think I want to see her again."

"Then talk to Mama about it. And you could meet 'that woman' before the wedding. Or after. You wanting to meet her doesn't mean that she has to be here on the day of your wedding."

"Where would I meet her? I'd feel really uncomfortable having her here. That's one of the reasons why I am so unsure about her coming for the wedding. But not the main reason."

"If you want to meet her on any other day, use my house in London. I'll come with you if you like, but I don't insist."

"It would show a lot of loyalty to Mama if I met my mother in that house."

"Yes. But please talk to Mama before you let that woman know anything."

"I will, don't worry."

* * *

_Cora_

She knows that something is on her daughter's mind the moment Mary enters her bedroom shortly after 10 pm. She hardly ever does this and it is rarely a good sign if she does. When Mary tells her about the letter, she understands why the girl came to her so late in the day.

"Mary, it is your decision. If you want her to come to your wedding, then so be it."

"What about you and Papa?"

"That doesn't matter. It is your wedding, she is your mother."

It does matter to her. She doesn't want that woman to come to Downton, especially not for Mary's wedding because Mary is her daughter and no one else's and because she knows that it would make Robert extremely uncomfortable to have his first wife back at Downton, even if it was only for a day. But she won't tell Mary to not invite her mother to her wedding, she doesn't have the right to.

"Mama, the thing is, I think I would like to meet her again. I don't like her, I think I hate her, but she is part of my life. I wouldn't be here without her. I wish it was different, I wish you were the only mother I ever had but that is not the way it is. Even if that woman was a horrible mother, she still was my mother. And she still is, even if I don't really think of her as that."

"Mary, that is your decision too. If you want to meet her, I won't stop you. Although if it was only about meeting her, I'd advise against doing it on the day of your wedding."

"That's what Sam says. He said I should meet her before or after. He said I could meet her at his house. I think that's what I want to do. Before the wedding. Then I can tell her in person that I don't want her there, because I really don't. I'm afraid she'd want to be acknowledged as 'mother of the bride' and I can't have her trying to take your place."

"Thank you for saying that."

"Mama, would you come with me? When I meet her?"

"If that is what you want, yes."

"Thank you."

She sees how the worry leaves Mary's face and it makes her worry less too. Mary is the child she has always been worried about the most, because she is the one who's life has been the most complicated. She agrees with her in wishing that Mary couldn't remember anything from the first three and a half years of her life, but she does remember. Not many specific things, but she has vague memories of what her life was like and she definitely remembers her mother. When Mary in a rush of teenage rebellion had met her mother eight years ago, the girl had been hurt worse than ever before.

"Mary, you know you might be hurt again."

"Yes, I know. That is why I want you to come. Because she can't really hurt me if you are there. And it is different this time. I have no hopes, I know what she is like. And I know where my loyalties lie."

"You are making quite a statement about that if you meet her at Sam's house."

"I know. It will tell her what to expect. I don't know what she wants, but she's been writing to me more often than before for the past year. I didn't even reply to all her letters, quite frankly because I didn't know what to write about to her. Nothing that happens in my life is any of her business."

"Maybe you should tell her that."

"I'll think about. I think Papa is about to come in here, Bates just left, I heard the door. I'll leave you now. Good night."

"Good night."


	15. Chapter 15

London 1913

_Matthew_

Mary asked him to come to London too and he gladly did so, because he is afraid of her being hurt. She told him about the last time she had met her mother when she told him about the letter asking for a wedding invitation and even then, eight years later, Mary still couldn't hold her tears back. He doesn't think that he ever felt sorrier for anyone than he felt for Mary in that moment. Cora, Robert and Sam have all come too, as Mary had asked, but Robert had said that he couldn't stand being in the same house as his ex-wife, so Sam had taken him somewhere else. "I'll take him to a pub but make sure he won't get too drunk," Sam had told him that morning. Matthew had wondered about the not getting too drunk comment because he has never seen Robert drunk. His future father-in-law certainly likes his scotch but in the past 13 months the man wasn't drunk once. He had told Sam so who had agreed and said that Robert hardly ever got even tipsy but that whenever it came to his first wife, there was a real danger of him drinking himself into a stupor. That had surprised Matthew, so he had asked Sam about it and the younger man had replied that Robert hated being reminded of what he had done to Cora and that his first wife was the personification of a reminder of exactly that. Matthew must have looked rather dumbstruck at this because Sam had actually laughed out loud but then become more serious and said "You know that my parents met shortly after Mama arrived in England and they did spend quite a lot of time together. Mama was almost sure that Papa would propose to her before the end of the season and that was what he had wanted to do but Granny and Grandpa interfered. They didn't want him to marry an American if he could have an English woman with enough money. Grandpa probably wouldn't have minded too much but Granny was absolutely against Papa proposing to Mama. She changed her mind about that a few years later of course, it was actually Granny who told Papa to get a divorce and marry Mama, but at the time, she wouldn't budge. And because Papa was only 19 at the time, he gave in to his parents. He later found out that Mama would have said yes, I think it was even her who told him that, and ever since then he has felt terribly guilty about all of it, because he thinks that had he defied his parents he could have spared Mama years of unhappiness." He had been stunned by that although it did explain the rather peculiar relationship between Violet and Cora. Ever since having met them, he had been surprised by how little those two women fought. His mother is constantly at loggerheads with both of them and they give her a run for her money, something he thinks is rather good for his mother, but they never or hardly ever fight with each other. And although Cora is rather modern and American and Violet traditional and English, Violet has often sided with Cora in arguments with others, although she can't have agreed with what Cora was fighting for. It had also always surprised him that Violet seemed to fight a lot more with her daughter than she did with her daughter-in-law, in fact, he sometimes had the feeling that Cora could do no wrong in the eyes of Violet. But if Violet felt guilty about preventing both Robert's and Cora's happiness for years, then that would of course explain quite a lot.

He and Cora are now in the room next to the library, standing at the door, while Mary is in the library waiting for her mother. Mary had asked them to not be in the same room, but to be close by so that in case she needed it, they could come into the room and so that she wouldn't have tell them what had happened. Cora unwittingly grabs his arms when the butler announces "Mrs Willington-Smith" in the other room and he watches Mary get up and he can see that she is nervous. She bites her lower lip and when he turns around to Cora to tell her that, he sees that she bites her lower lip the exact same way and has the exact same expression on her face.

"Mary," the woman who apparently is Mary's mother says. Mary then looks up and replies

"Yes."

"How are you?"

"Very well."

"That makes me happy."

"Does it?"

"Of course it does. I want my daughter to be happy." Cora is now seething through her teeth gripping his arm so tightly that it hurts, but he doesn't dare to ask her to let go of him.

"I never knew that."

"If you wrote to me more often you would know that."

"Why should I write to you more often? I don't enjoy writing to people I don't like."

"But if you wrote to me more often you might start to like me again."

"No. I couldn't ever like you again because that would mean that I had ever liked you at one point. And I didn't."

"I care about you." He is sure that he will have marks on his arm after this.

"You didn't care about me when I was a child. Why start now?"

"I didn't start now. I've always cared about you. I might have been very disappointed, too disappointed maybe, but that doesn't mean that you were never important to me."

"There is no way that you can ever make me believe that."

"Mary, darling." The blood circulation in his arm has stopped.

"Don't. You have no right to call me that. And you will never have that right."

"But"

"No but. You were horrible to me, don't pretend otherwise now. And if my letters ever evoked the impression that I might feel anything other than dislike for you, then I was putting on an act. Because I somehow felt sorry for you. I don't really know why but I think it was because of my kindness. A kindness that I have got from my mother and I certainly am not referring to you."

"My dear child." He wonders if he will ever be able to use his arm again.

"Don't you 'my dear child' me. Tell me what you want, in plain words. And why."

"I want to come to your wedding."

"That is not possible. The wedding will be at Downton and I don't want you there. Neither do Mama or Papa."

"Mary, I have lost my husband. You are the only family I have left."

"How?"

"He died of a heart attack."

"I am sorry about that. It must be very hard for you."

"Thank you."

"But it doesn't change anything."

At that moment the door to the library opens and Robert and Sam walk inside. He has heard people talk about how much Sam is like his father and now he sees it too. They walk with the same determination.

"Hello. Papa, Mama is next door, Sam why don't you stay?" Sam looks a little surprised but nods as Robert walks through the room, taking no notice of his first wife.

"What is she still doing here?" Robert hisses at Cora.

"She was late." Thankfully Cora lets go of him now and turns to Robert and he feels the blood run down his arm.

"Sam, how are you? I haven't seen you in so many years." Sam looks absolutely flabbergasted at being called by his first name by Mary's mother, a woman he has never met.

"You have never seen me. Except for when I was a baby, maybe. That does not give you the right to call me by my first name."

"But you are my daughter's stepbrother."

"You will call me Duke. And I am her brother."

"Now, I don't mean to be rude"

"You may not mean to be but I am sure that you will be." He sees Mary's mother startle at that and he understands why. In that moment Sam appeared like a younger version of Robert, in each and every possible way.

"You have a very twisted idea of what a family is. Both of you. You aren't related and yet you pretend to be, neither one of you lives with a full set of parents and yet you pretend to. Neither one of you has any respect for the parent not living with you, yet neither of you would be who you are without those parents."

"That is true. Without you I wouldn't always be scared of turning into you which is something I dread." He wants to cheer Mary on for this.

"And you, Sam, asking me to call you Duke when half of London refers to you as Lord Downton. How can you disrespect your father like that?"

"I am not disrespecting my father. I am his son and because of fate I can't inherit his title. It isn't my doing that people refer to me as Lord Downton, I never asked them to. But it makes me proud if they do. But you are a guest in my house and if I am telling you to call me by my title, then that is what you will do." He wants to cheer on Sam too.

"Mary, don't let him talk to me that way."

"He can talk to you any way he likes. He is a duke, you are a guest in his house."

"Well, I see what I am up against. Robert the fool and his American excuse for a wife have turned you into the worst possible version of yourself. And as for you Sam" Both he and Cora grab one of Robert's arms to restrain him at the right moment.

"Out. Get out. This is my house, I will not have anyone insult my mother or my father in here. You will leave this house now and you will never return."

"You are a lot like the man you call your father. I pity your future wife." He can't stand it anymore, so he lets go of Robert and walks into the library.

"Mrs. Willington-Smith, I am Matthew Crawley, future husband of Lady Mary and future brother-in-law of the Duke of Suffolk. I cannot say that I am pleased to meet you, not at all, but I fear there is no way to avoid this any longer. I am also the lawyer of the Crawley family and as that I am now asking you to leave this house once and for all. Should you refuse to do so, I will call the police."

His rather empty threat seems to have done it and she leaves without another word. He turns to Mary who literally falls into his arms.

"I am done with her. I won't ever meet her again."


	16. Chapter 16

Downton 1913

_Sam_

He wants to speak to his sister one last time before she gets married, before he has to go and pick up her future husband. He is incredibly happy for both of them, he loves Mary and Matthew has turned into the best friend he has ever had, besides Mary, and he knows that they will have a very happy marriage. But it still makes him a little nostalgic. In a way, he had been Mary's leading man all his life. He was her only brother, they grew up together, and while he loves Edith and Sybil just as much as he loves Mary, his relationship to Mary has always been special. She is the sister that is the most like him, although that is rather ironic, and they have always had a very special bond. Their parents like telling a story about how Mary had held him in her arms when she had been three years old and he hadn't even been three months old. According to their parents, Mary had looked at him and declared to be his best friend for life and true to her character, she hadn't wavered from it. Of course she had become so much more and he will miss her. Even if she and Matthew will live at the Abbey, it won't be the same.

She says "Who is it?" when knocks on her door.

"Your favorite brother."

"You can come in if you don't tell Matthew anything about how I look."

"I won't."

"Good. I want him to be surprised. Come in then."

He is taken aback when he sees her. She is still wearing some sort of coat over her wedding dress, but her hair has already been done and she gives him a brilliant smile.

"You look very nice. If I am allowed to say that about my own sister."

"You are."

"You look like a grown up."

"So do you, in your morning coat."

He stands next to her and looks at the two of them in the mirror.

"You are leaving your childhood behind today and I have the feeling that I am too."

"Yes. We have to face it Sam, we aren't children any longer."

He turns around and asks Anna to leave so that he can be alone with Mary for a moment.

"Papa will find it difficult not to well up when he sees you."

"Maybe you should warn him then."

"No. I'll leave that up to Mama."

"That's a good idea. Although I am afraid that she will cry too. Being American and all."

"Mary, I came here to wish you good luck. And to say thank you for being such a good sister to me."

"Thank you and you are welcome. And thank you for helping me in London. For staying in the room I mean."

"Why did you want me to stay?"

"Because I had an inkling of what she was going to say. I knew she was about to insult our parents because things weren't going her way. And who better to help me defend them than you? Who else could understand what I was going through? Who better to prove that our parents are our parents than you who are so much like Papa that even I sometimes can't believe that you aren't related?"

"It shocked her, didn't it?"

"Yes. But she needed to see it."

"What are you going to do about her?"

"I'll write to her occasionally, two or three times a year. Nothing personal though. I do feel sorry for her."

"You are like Mama in that way. She'd feel sorry for her too if she was in your place. If she didn't hate her so much, she would probably feel very sorry as it is."

"I suppose you are right."

"I'll miss you."

"Why? We'll still be living here, you'll see us every day."

"I know. But it'll be different, won't it? You being married?"

"I suppose so. But I'll still be there for you. I promised I would when you were a baby and I won't ever break that promise. Before Mama and Papa got married, I used to pretend that you were my brother. And you've really been my brother for nineteen years now. You are not getting rid of me."

"Good. Because I don't want to." He has to leave now or he'll cry and Mary would make fun of him for that for the rest of her life. "I am sure that Mama, Edith and Sybil are dying to get in here, so I'll leave you know. I have to anyway, I have to pick up Matthew, make sure that your future husband gets to church on time. Good luck Mary."

When he is out of her room he needs to take several deep breaths to steady himself.

"Sam, are you all right?" He looks up and sees his father standing in front of him

"Yes. I just went to see Mary, to wish her good luck and I looked at us in the mirror, her in her wedding dress, me wearing a morning coat, being the best man for her husband. It made me realize that we aren't children any longer, life isn't a game anymore."

"Sam, I know you are worried about leaving Downton, but you won't have to for quite some time. In fact, if you found a wife who would not set too much store by living on your estate, you could stay here as long as you liked. As long as Matthew or I are alive, you will always have a home here."

"Thank you. How did you?"

"I am your father. I know you well. And you better pick up Matthew now. The bride is allowed to be fashionably late, but the groom is not. He has to be on time."

"We'll make it. I am almost sure that Matthew is waiting in front of the house. I won't even have to go to the door."

"Probably not. I'll see you later."

"Yes." His father claps him on the shoulder and he leaves to finally pick up Matthew.


	17. Chapter 17

London 1919

_Lilly (Sam's wife)_

"The Duchess of Suffolk"

She feels as uncomfortable being announced like that as Sam does when he is announced as the Duke of Suffolk. She doesn't mind when they are announced like that at a ball or some other great function, but this is a charity luncheon. She doesn't know everyone here, that is true, but she knows most of the women here and she thinks her title is just too grand for that. But then her title is probably the reason why all those women have come to the luncheon and it is for the hospital on Sam's estate, and so she smiles at being announced and lets herself be fussed over by women of lesser rank who think it is a great honor to talk to her. She tries to enjoy herself because this will be her last public appearance for quite some time as she has started to show. People who know her well can now see that she is pregnant and it won't be long before people who don't know her that well or not at all will be able to see it too. As she is 'six weeks ahead of schedule' in the words of her mother-in-law, the whole family has decided that she should just not appear in public anymore. They aren't planning on locking her up somewhere, the whole family and all the staff at Downton know and she has free realm of the estate and the village. The people in the village will find out eventually, but Sam is so popular there, that they won't be bothered too much. Sam had been right when he had told her that none of his family would be shocked or even mind her having become pregnant before the wedding. They had told his grandmother first who had tried to look at them indignantly for less than ten seconds and then said "Well, who can blame you, Sam, your parents weren't any better than that. I would not have been surprised if Edith had had been born a few months before she actually did. Like father, like son, I'll say." Sam had smiled a very mischievous smile at that to which his grandmother had only said "Don't you dare Sam Crawley, don't you dare." Sam's grandmother had then told Lilly to call her 'Granny' too, and had then offered to tell Lilly's grandmother whom she would see the next day to 'cushion the blow'. Lilly had been very thankful for that because that way maybe at least her grandmother wouldn't get too mad at her.

They had told the rest of the Crawley family later that night and when Edith had helpfully asked "But how can the baby come in late October or early November when you got married at the end of March?" everyone in the room had broken into laughter, and she had heard Cora whisper to Robert "I told you so," to which Robert had replied "I better pay up tonight then." She had then turned away and pretended to not have heard because she hadn't wanted to know what her father-in-law had been referring to.

Her own family, with the exception of her grandmother who apparently agreed with Sam's grandmother that as long as the baby was born after the wedding, there was nothing to complain about, had of course reacted differently. Robert and Cora had invited her family to dinner and her and Sam had made the announcement then and her parents and sister had raged and yelled and told her that they'd have to think about her being still part of the family, at which point Robert had gotten up and told her parents that he would have to ask them to leave if they didn't take back what they had just said. That in itself had been rather impressive but it had been made even more impressive by the fact that Matthew, Tom and Sam had all gotten up as well. Cora had then seconded what Robert had said and Sybil whom she had been sitting next to had squeezed her hand under the table and said "Don't mind them" to which both Edith and Mary had replied "No, don't." Her parents and sister had really left then, only her grandmother had stayed and she had promised her to make the rest of the family come round. So far she doesn't seem to have been successful at it though. Lilly had been rather downcast after her parents had left but the way the whole Crawley family had jumped to her defense had also touched her very deeply. She had thanked Cora for it later and her mother-in-law had smiled at her and said

"This family is close-knit. And you are a part of it, Lilly. You are Sam's wife and you are making him very happy. That is reason enough for anyone of us to defend you." She had then asked a question she had never dared to ask before but had wanted to know the answer to since 1914.

"Doesn't it ever bother you that Sam cares so little about his title?"

"No, it doesn't." Cora had said that so openly that Lilly didn't feel apprehensive about taking the conversation further.

"But you gave up so much for it."

"Did I?"

"Yes. You left your family and your home behind to give a son you couldn't even be sure of you'd have at that point a title."

"Lilly, I left my family and home because my parents wanted me to have a title. I didn't think about a possible future son inheriting his father's title then. It only really hit me when Sam's father died before Sam had even been born and I realized that if the child were a boy, he'd be a duke the moment he is was born. It scared me because I had no idea how to raise a duke."

"You did it very well. I have seen Sam actually be a duke, when he wants people to do something they don't want to do. Or when people are unfriendly to him or me. It is rather impressive. And although he has no desire to live there, he cares about his estate and the legacy so to speak very much."

"All that is not my doing, it is Robert's doing. Sam wouldn't be who he is today without Robert."

"I suppose not. Sam certainly thinks so. He once told me he'd prefer to be Lord Downton over being the Duke of Suffolk but that it wasn't possible although both Robert and he tried to make that happen."

"That is true. Although Robert never wanted Sam to renounce his title, that was only ever Sam's suggestion. But it touched Robert very deeply."

"Sam has no recollection of Robert not being his father. He keeps saying that."

"Sam was 10 weeks old when I brought him to Downton for the first time. Of course he doesn't remember. And I am very glad he doesn't. Things are sometimes rather difficult for Mary with everything that happened during the first four years of her life."

"She still remembers quite a lot of it, at least vaguely. But she says that the first real solid memory she has of her childhood is of you fixing her hair after she had run around with a dog somewhere. She says that was the first time you kept her out of trouble."

"It was the second time, but she doesn't remember the first. Although that happened only the night before the one that she remembers. But it was the second out of many times that I kept her out of trouble."

"Now you are keeping me out of trouble too."

"It's the least I can do, it's the least we can do. Although you are not really in trouble, are you? You fell pregnant a little early, but compared to the scandal this family has been through, that is nothing. After Robert's highly publicized divorce, there is nothing that can really shake us to the bones anymore."

"It must have been a very difficult time for you. For all of you."

"Oddly enough it wasn't. At least not as soon as the divorce was through."

At that point her reminiscing is interrupted.

"Duchess?" A woman she has never met has just spoken to her.

"Yes?" She wonders if she should remind that woman that they have not been introduced but maybe she just wants to donate some money and then such a reminder would be rather unkind.

"You are the wife of Sam Crawley, aren't you?" Sam Crawley? The Duke of Suffolk. But again she doesn't say anything.

"Yes, I am."

"Then you must know Lady Mary." So Sam is just Sam, but Mary a Lady?

"If you are referring to the daughter of the Earl and Countess of Grantham, yes. She is my sister-in-law."

"I am her mother." She has difficulties not to choke on her water now.

"I beg your pardon?"

"I am Mary's mother." She has no idea what to say. Mary has told her about 'that woman' and Sam once told her about the only time he had ever met her and all the information she has got on that woman make her very apprehensive of her.

"Yes." If that woman wants something, she will have to ask for it.

"How is Mary?"

"Very well." She won't elaborate because it is none of that woman's business. If there is something Mary wants to tell her mother, Mary will do so herself.

"I haven't seen my daughter in six years."

"I know." What in heaven is she supposed to say to that?

"I'd like to see her again."

"Then you might want to ask her."

"I did. She doesn't want to see me."

"Well, there is nothing I can do about it." While she will certainly tell Mary about this meeting and warn her, telling Mary to meet that woman again is the last thing she would do.

"Couldn't you talk to her?"

"I talk to her every day."

"About me wanting to meet her."

"No." Maybe if she is unfriendly, that woman will leave her alone.

"Why not? I am her mother, I have a right to see her."

"Mrs. .. I don't even know your name. If Lady Mary wanted to meet you, she would tell you. But apparently she does not want to and that is her right and you have to accept that. In my eyes you can count yourself lucky that she write to you sometimes. I will now ask you to leave. This is a charity luncheon for the hospital on my husband's estate, not an opportunity for you to make Lady Mary's life difficult. Or her family's life for that matter."

"So they've turned you into a Crawley too now."

"I turned myself into one. I am a Crawley, through and through." She realizes this is true the moment she says it and she decides to finally give in to Sam and his nagging. Maybe he is right after all.


	18. Chapter 18

AN: I know that this was/is probably not possible but I don't care ;)

Thanks for all the reviews!

Kat

* * *

Downton 1920

_Sam_

This is the letter he has been waiting for. It had been send to Matthew's office, because Matthew took care of all the legal matters and thus Matthew has already opened it and the smile on his best friend's face tells Sam that he got what he wanted.

"It finally happened."

"Yes. Although I still think it is a miracle they didn't contact Robert. Maybe you are too well known for that. Or maybe it was because you are a duke."

"Or a combination of those two."

"Are you sure you won't regret it?"

"I am sure of it. We still have the family name in the title; that will be enough."

"Enough for you. What about Jamie?"

"He'll grow up a Crawley anyway."

"True. When are you going to tell your parents? And the rest of the family?"

"I don't know. I haven't really thought about that. Maybe I'll ask Lilly, she's better at that than me."

_Robert_

He is surprised about receiving a letter from his lawyer. He hardly ever works with Murray anymore, only when it is absolutely necessary. He prefers working with Matthew when it comes to legal matters, because Matthew treats him like an equal. Murray always treats him like an Earl who doesn't know anything and most importantly, doesn't need to know much.

He reads the letter twice and then shakes his head, both at his son and at his son-in-law for not having mentioned this to him. But somehow it is typical for Sam.

"What are you shaking your head about?"

"Your son."

"What has he done?"

"He officially changed his family name to Crawley. Without telling me. I didn't even know that was possible. Murray sent me a letter informing me of that and of how I could challenge it."

"Are you going to challenge it?"

"I tried to make Sam my heir four times to no avail. The least I can give him is my name. I think Murray only mentioned the possibility of challenging it because it bothers him that Sam let Matthew take care of the legal matters."

"Does it bother you that Sam didn't tell you?"

"No, oddly enough it doesn't. I think it doesn't because I'd have gone about it the same way. Although I will tell him that I know. It wouldn't do to pretend to not know and wait for a big announcement."

"I am not sure he will make such an announcement."

"I certainly wouldn't. Which probably means that he won't."

"He is so much like you. Mary always says it is hard for her to believe that you and Sam aren't related."

He smiles at this because he is rather proud of Sam being so much like him. He loves him just as much as he loves his daughters but sometimes he can't stop himself from brooding over what would have happened had his life gone differently, had he and Cora not met again when they did.

"Cora, what would have happened had Sam been a girl?" He thinks he knows the answer to this but it is a question that has plagued him for nearly 27 years.

"I'd have gone back to America. I wanted to go right after the Duke's death, but I couldn't, not with the possibility of the baby being the next duke. But if Sam had been girl, I would have returned there as soon as possible. I hoped for a girl, so that I could go home."

It hurts him more than he thought it would and he almost wishes he hadn't asked, because he cannot imagine his life without her. He is almost sure that he would have divorced Mary's mother eventually regardless of Cora becoming a part of his life again, but he would have been miserable.

"Robert, dance with me." He smiles a vague smile at her, gets up and then takes her hands to help her get up too. They haven't done this in weeks and it feels good to do it again. He hums a waltz for them and his heart begins to beat faster when Cora puts her head on his shoulder and he is reminded of the first time she did this, 26 and a half years ago in his sisters sitting room. It had felt so good then, to hold her in his arms and it still feels the same now. He had dreamed of being with her then, had dreamed of making her his wife and sometimes he still can't believe that the dream has come true. As he always does, he eventually just warps his arms around her and she puts her arms around him too and they just sway on the spot. He knows it doesn't make any sense but he can't stop thinking about what would have happened had Cora not come back into his life when she did. And she certainly wouldn't have become part of his life again had Sam been a girl, had she returned to America. He supposes she would eventually have married someone else because men would have been head over heels for her, men have always been head over heels for her and he knows for a fact that there are men his age and a little younger and a little older who at least have a crush on her, who are jealous of him. And she would have fallen for one of them at some point and it breaks his heart to think about that.

"Robert?" A shiver runs down his spine when she says his name.

"Hm?" He doesn't trust himself to speak.

"I'd have come back."

"What?" he asks in a hoarse whisper that he hopes doesn't betray the fact that he is fighting against tears.

"You wouldn't have stayed married to her. You'd have gotten divorced one way or another. And I would have heard about it, your divorce was a topic of conversation even in New York. Before there were rumors about us. And I would have come back. I'd probably have written to you as soon as I had heard. It would have been highly inappropriate, but I would have done it."

"Only if you hadn't been married to someone else by then."

"That wouldn't have happened. I wouldn't have gotten married again for anything but the deepest love. And I loved you. I hadn't seen you in more than four years but I loved you."

"I want to believe that."

"It is the truth. I fell in love with you when we were 19 and my heart broke when I found out that you had gotten engaged to someone else. I had hoped you would propose to me."

They have of course talked about this before but Cora has never said it so plainly, they usually beat around the bush more to not hurt each other's' feelings. He remembers the first time they had come close to talking about this, when he had told her that he had fought with his father about being allowed to propose to whom he wanted to propose to and how he had answered her silent question about it having been her. She had then only said 'I would have said' and begun to cry, but he had known what it meant. It broke his heart then and it is breaking his heart now.

"I wish I had. I wouldn't have to think about what would have happened had fate not been kind to us and let Sam be a boy."

"No. You'd be thinking about what would have happened had I said no." He has to chuckle at this because, in all likelihood, she is right. "Robert, you always brood about what would have happened had our lives gone another way. But they didn't. You got the girl, and not in the end but pretty much at the beginning. Not the very beginning, but still at the beginning."

"Yes. I was very lucky. When I got married for the first time, I felt as if my life had turned into a nightmare it would be very hard to wake up from. But you woke me up from it and without you I might still be living that nightmare."

"That is rather metaphorical, especially for you. But you would have gotten divorced and you know it." He hopes that she is right, he is almost sure she is.

"Yes. But"

"No but, darling. No but. We would have found our way to each other, I am sure of it. Maybe not that soon, but eventually."

"How can you be so sure about this?"

"Because I only really am myself when I am with you. And I know it is the same for you too." She lifts her head of his shoulder now, stops them swaying and looks into his eyes. "Robert, I have loved you for more than 30 years now. If both of us marrying other people couldn't stop me loving you, couldn't keep us apart, then nothing else would have kept us apart. We love each other too much for that."

He isn't sure all of this is true because while he now knows that he had fallen in love with her when they were 19 too, he had only realized it when he had met her again about four years later. He isn't as sure as her that they would have become what they are now had she gone back to America, he is almost sure it wouldn't have happened, unless she really would have sent that letter, maybe there would have been a chance for them then.

He only notices that she has moved even closer to him when he feels her lips on his. He melts into the kiss, pulls her as close to him as possible and finally stops brooding.

_Sam_

He has decided to talk to his father right now. He hopes that what he has done will make him happy and not angry, but he is almost sure that it will make him happy and if it doesn't, he'll just have to ask his mother and sisters for help. When he opens the door to the sitting room, he sees both his parents in there, sharing a deep kiss, oblivious to the world. He smiles at that, seeing his parents like that has always made him happy, their parents are the reason why he and all of his sister put love above all in their lives.

When he makes to leave he doesn't pay attention to where he is going and walks straight into his older sister.

"Sorry Mary." She takes one look into the sitting room and then turns to him and smiles.

"We better leave them alone."

"Yes, no reason to interrupt them." He offers his sister his arm and she takes it.

"What were you going to tell them?"

"That I've changed the family name."

"Matthew told me you were finally successful. Papa will be very happy about that. As much as he loves Matthew, he still feels guilty for not being able to just give it all to you. So now at least you have his name."

"Yes. What did you want to tell them?"

"I just wanted to talk to Mama about something."

"What about?"

"Sam, don't nag." He wonders if he should keep on asking and has almost decided against it when he looks at his sister and sees a smile on her face. A smile that would explain why Matthew was so overjoyed. He had been surprised that the name change had made Matthew so happy, but now he would almost bet that there was another reason.

"Mary, I won't nag, I promise. But I'll ask you something and it would be nice if you told me the truth."

"I have never lied to you, Sam."

"Are you pregnant?"

"Yes." He lets go of his sister's arm and pulls her into an embrace. He knows how much Mary and Matthew want a second child, how hard they have struggled with it not happening the past one and a half years.

"Mary, I am so very happy for you. Congratulations. I know how much you hoped for this."

"It was a hard struggle. But it looks good, Dr. Clarkson says there is nothing to worry about. But please don't tell anyone."

"I won't. I promise."

"Good. I wanted to tell Mama now and then Matthew wanted to make an announcement at dinner but I am not sure Mama and Papa will be down for dinner."

"I am sure they will be. It is not that late yet and Granny is coming here."

"Do you think that Matthew and I and Lilly and you will be like that, like Mama and Papa, thirty years from now?"

"I am sure of it."

"I hope you are right."

"I always am." This is just him quoting their Granny but he knows that Mary understands what he means. He thinks that they both will be very happy in their respective marriages.

"I told Matthew I'd go on a walk with him. So I'll leave you here, little brother. I'll see you at dinner."

He gives his sister a kiss on the cheek and then lets her go. He wants to go to Lilly and tell her about Mary's baby, but he promised his sister he wouldn't and so he goes to the nursery instead to play with his son for a little while because if he were to meet his wife now, he couldn't be sure of not breaking the promise he just gave Mary. He is like his father that way, just like him he could keep a secret for decades from everyone in the world, except for from his wife.


	19. Chapter 19

Downton 1894

_Cora_

"There's a letter from your father, Cora." She slightly smiles at Patrick when he hands her the letter. She has been waiting for it for a couple of days and it will tell her whether her parents will come to the wedding, although she highly doubts it. While her parents surely wouldn't mind her getting married again as long it was to the right person, she is almost sure that they don't consider Robert to be the right man. She won't be a Duchess after the wedding anymore, only a Viscountess and that will be a step backwards in the eyes of her parents. Their grandson will of course remain a duke and she hopes that that will appease her parents. She opens the letter and isn't surprised when she reads that her parents won't come over.

"I gather your parents aren't coming," Patrick says to her.

"No. But it doesn't surprise me. A divorced Viscount isn't good enough for them. But I really don't care. It isn't my fault that I am about to marry a divorced man. I'd have married him five years ago. He would have never had to get divorced then."

"Cora, I am so sorry. I should have given in to Robert but I didn't recognize his begging for what it was."

"It doesn't matter. You were not the only one. My father was absolutely appalled by my interest in Robert, at least after my mother had told him that the Duke was interested in me too."

"But you would have said yes, had Robert asked you. Against your parents' wishes." She is surprised by Patrick's boldness, but then it was probably Violet who put him up to it.

"Yes, I would have said yes."

"I wish I had told Violet to leave Robert alone, to let him do what he thought was right. Because I wouldn't have minded, not much anyway. I just didn't want to fight with Violet and had thought that Robert didn't love you, so it didn't really matter. How very wrong I was."

"Patrick, don't dwell on it, there is no use in it. What is done is done and we can't change the past. But the future is ours to shape." She smiles at him now. She knows that both Robert's parents feel very guilty about having kept them apart, for having made their lives so miserable for a few years. But she doesn't resent them for it, they did what they thought was right and she can't blame them for it. Moreover, they made up for it by being so supportive of Robert and her during the last few months. She had been rather surprised when Violet invited her to stay after that house party, especially when she found out that Robert's wife wouldn't be home for those two weeks. Of course, to society, it had been presented as opportunity to lay the groundwork for a future marriage between Sam and Mary but even at that time she had been sure that that wasn't the reason. At first she had thought that it was about Mary coming out of her shell a little more, maybe to even get her to talk, but Robert's parents left them alone so often that she began to wonder about their real motives. Those motives became apparent when Violet visited her at her house in London, unannounced, and had plainly told her that Robert loved her. She had of course been almost sure of that even before Violet visited her, but this visit had made clear to her that Robert wanted what she wanted, even if what they wanted had not been spoken of between them, not plainly anyway. When she spent Christmas and New Year's at Downton Robert's parents should have chaperoned them but they did the opposite by leaving them alone quite frequently. Robert once told her that at least his mother knew that they had spent several nights together and that his mother's only concern had been an early pregnancy. Robert's parents are a little concerned about him causing another scandal by getting married again so quickly, but they only voiced their thoughts once and then accepted their decision to not wait any longer. And while they had insisted on her leaving Downton again after Christmas for propriety's sake, they didn't even question whether she would be allowed to stay at Downton after Robert's proposal. Neither have they lost a single word about them having spent every single night together since the proposal. But maybe they just know that every attempt to keep her and Robert apart would be fruitless. Both she and Robert have had enough of holding back and they just don't do it anymore. In the sanctuary of their home, and they both consider Downton to be her home as well, they act as if they were already married. Robert's grandmother does not approve of this, but in a rather ungentlemanly manner, Patrick had told her that she would either have to accept it or just not come to the Abbey anymore until the wedding.

"Cora, if you want me to, I'll walk you down the aisle."

"What?" She was so lost in her thoughts that she hasn't really heard Patrick.

"I said I'd walk you down the aisle if you wanted me to, since your father isn't coming over."

"You know we won't get married in church. We can't."

"I know, but there will still be an aisle. But you don't have to say yes to this, you really don't, it's just, I'd be honored if you did."

So she says yes. They have decided on a rather American setting for the wedding, which will be conducted by the local registrar. The ceremony itself will be in the garden, weather permitting and then they will have a reception in the Abbey. She debated for some time whether she should wear a wedding dress and because Robert wanted her to she decided to do so, but decided on a very simple one. There won't be a large wedding party, it will only consist of Rosamund as the maid of honor, Marmaduke as the best man and Mary as a flower girl. There won't be many guests either, she has no friends outside of Robert's closest family and her family isn't coming over. Robert's friends and a small family party besides his parents, sister and brother-in-law will be there. All in all, there will be less than fifty guests, which is quite a difference to the 213 that attended her first wedding. 213 guests of which she had known three, Her mother, her father and her brother. The other 208 she had never seen before and she only ever saw a handful of them again. She knows less than half the guests this time around too, but it is different. She knows that she is not an inconvenience that has to be accepted as the price for all the money, so to speak. Robert actually wants to marry her and she wants to marry him too. This time it is a love match and she doesn't care that her parents think that she is giving up too much. She will exchange one title for another, lesser one, but she doesn't care because she will also exchange being miserably lonely to being blissfully married.

She also doesn't care if Robert's grandmother's prediction that they won't be received by society, at least during this season will prove true. First of all, because she couldn't care less and secondly, because they won't be home for much of it anyway. They will go on a two week wedding journey to the continent a day after the wedding and will leave for a four months trip to America the day they return to England. They wouldn't even return to the Abbey if they didn't want to pick up their children from there. Violet and Patrick offered to take Sam and Mary to Liverpool, but while Mary has opened up to her grandparents so much that she actually is herself when she is around them, trusts them enough for Robert and Cora to leave her alone with her grandparents for two weeks, they aren't sure whether Mary would feel comfortable travelling with only her grandparents and the nanny. She isn't sure whether it really was such a good idea to travel to America with a four year girl and a boy hasn't had his first birthday yet but Robert keeps telling her that it will all work out and she believes him most of the time.

When she gets ready for the wedding a few weeks later she can't help but compare this day to the day of her first wedding. She had been jittery then, jittery with both excitement and apprehension. Ever since she was a little girl she had been looking forward to her wedding day and then the day had finally come. But she had never imagined to marry a man she didn't love, a man she didn't even like. But by that time Robert had already been married to someone else and she told herself that at least she'd be a Duchess after this wedding. She remembers being walked down the aisle by her father who had told her that he was proud of her and had then passed her on to her future husband, a man who hadn't even smiled at her. She almost threw up during the wedding ceremony because she couldn't stop herself from thinking that she was making a huge mistake. But as the dutiful daughter she was to her parents, she did what they wanted her to do. She stops her train of thoughts when it reaches the wedding night, she doesn't want to think about it. The Duke never hurt her, he just wanted to sleep with her as little as she had wanted to sleep with him and that is all she has told herself she will remember of it. And today is so different. She is excited now as well, but excited about finally marrying the man she loves, has loved for years, excited about marrying a man who actually wants to marry her, who loves her too. There is nothing to be apprehensive of, especially not the wedding night. They tried to wait until the wedding night, but it had been a fruitless attempt. Before Robert's divorce they had been able to stop themselves, though what they did do would probably still have been called adultery, and Robert had told her he thought they should wait but that would only have been possible if they hadn't spent each night together. They had gone further each night than the night before and eventually there was just one step left and they took it without realizing what they were doing. Robert tried to apologize afterwards, but she told him that was the last thing she wanted to hear so he looked at her and told her that he loved her. And that he wouldn't mind doing it again.

"My dear, as there is nothing left to tell you about marriage that you don't already know, I will leave you now and get my grandson. Good luck Cora." Violet softly kisses her cheek and then leaves the room. Rosamund is still there, grinning at her.

"You were thinking about it."

"About what?"

"Going to bed with Robert." She thinks about denying it but Rosamund knows her rather well, the two of them have become close friends and she doesn't say anything.

"I knew it." Because Rosamund will tease her endlessly if she isn't stopped she looks at her and says

"Rosamund, you will be my sister-in-law in less than an hour, you are my maid of honor and my best friend. But I will not discuss going to bed with your brother with you." True to what she expected, Rosamund shuts up. There is a knock on the door followed by Patrick telling them that it is time to leave.

_Robert_

He has been waiting for this day for months now and if he is honest with himself it has been years. If it had been his decision alone, he and Cora would be celebrating their fifth wedding anniversary some time now, not be getting married. But as Cora keeps saying 'what is done is done and there is no use in dwelling on the past' and so he tries not to. It wouldn't do to ruin this day by thinking about what he regrets. His father's only advice had been to enjoy this day, to commit it to his memory, so that he would have a memory that would remind him of how happy he had been, how happy he actually is, should things become a little rough. "If you are married to a woman you love, if you married her for love, remembering the happiness on your wedding day will get you through the darker times, will often make you see sense." He believes his father, who of course speaks from experience. His mother talked to him the night before and she as well only gave him one piece of advice. "Tell her that you love her. At least from time to time, no matter how hard it might be for you." He had smiled at that and not told her that he tells Cora every day because it is such a private matter that he doesn't want to talk about it to anyone, least of all his parents. So he just said thank you to which his mother replied "Good luck my dearest boy," squeezed his hand and then left the room.

"Robert? It's time to go."

He follows Marmaduke out of the room, through the house and into the garden. The weather is unbelievably nice, the sun is shining and it is warm, it seems to be the first day of spring. The guests are already there and he briefly talks to some of them. He remembers how nervous he was before his first wedding, how suffocating the whole thing had felt, the complete opposite of how he feels now. He had dreaded the moment he and his first wife would be pronounced husband and wife, this time he can't wait for it. He smiles when his eyes fall on his mother who is holding a sleeping Sam. It had been his idea to have Sam there for the ceremony, Cora had wanted him to stay inside, arguing that he wouldn't remember any of it anyway, but he had wants both their children to be there. His mother surprisingly volunteered to take care of her grandson but the little boy has her wrapped his little finger just as much as Mary has her wrapped around hers.

When the choir begins to sing he turns around and sees Mary walking down the aisle first, closely followed by Rosamund and he starts to think about how he hopes that Mary will remember this day but he doesn't finish the thought because as soon as he sees Cora he forgets everything else. He has no idea what the registrar is saying, or what he replies to it and he only returns to the world of the conscious when he and Cora are finally, finally, pronounced husband and wife. A wave of happiness floods through him and he turns to her the moment she turns to him and when he kisses her he knows that finally his world has turned to rights again, that finally they will be happy.

When Cora breaks the kiss, she has to do it, because he wouldn't be able to do it, cheers break out around them and he turns towards their guests. What he sees takes his breath away, because besides the fifty guests they have invited, there are hundreds of people from the village who seem to have watched although he has no idea how he could have missed them being there.

"They followed your father and I," Cora says in reply to his dumbstruck expression. "He didn't have the heart to send them away."

He smiles at that and then takes her arm and leads her down the aisle back into their house, into their home.

AN: This is the end. I might return to this story/universe from time to time but certainly not any time soon. Thank you so much for all your support"

Kat


End file.
